Trip to Indiana!

The baby in my belly is going to Indiana for the first time today! We couldn't be any more excited if we tried! We were supposed to leave tomorrow but since hubby works days today and there is a storm brewing and heading for Indiana (and supposed to hit the worst tomorrow and Friday) we decided we would leave once he gets off work today.

Now, there is more than one reason we are really excited to be going to Indiana for this holiday season! For one, I'm pregnant! Everyone is dying to see the baby bump and I am dying to show it off! Also, we didn't get to spend Christmas in Indiana last year because Ryan only got 4 days of leave. It sucked but we made the best of it. Lastly, we are dying to see some snow! It didn't snow here at all last year and that made the first winter I have ever gone without snow and that makes for a depressing winter when you love snow as much as I do. I don't even care that it has to be cold to snow, I just want it.

So, now I am just trying to figure out how to keep busy for another hour or 2 while I wait for Ryan to get home but I don't have anything to do and it's killer! I guess I could watch Abby's ultrasound videos again and again, lol. I can never get enough of seeing her wiggle and kick. It kills me how adorable she already is :) She is going to have us wrapped around her finger.

Anyway, I probably won't be blogging again between now and then so I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Dear Abriella,

Last night, I was laying in bed thinking about you. About what you will look like once you are born, what you will do to make us laugh, what you might do to drive us crazy... I can't quit thinking about you. You are the light of my life.

I love the way your daddy laughs at how cute you are while moving your little arms and legs in the ultrasound video. I love the way he smiles at the very thought of you. I love how he acts when he sees something cute while we are looking at baby stuff and I love the way he smiles and shows me when he sees a cute baby.

We just love everything about you and we still have 5 more months before we get to meet you in person. You are the thing we have wanted more than anything and now we have you. Thank God for making us the happiest people on the planet by blessing us with you. You were so worth the wait.

I love you so much!

Love,
Mommy

It's a........

Everyone say hello to little Miss Abriella Jane!!!

The week time stood still

Or at least that's how it feels! We have so much happening in the next few days! Friday, Sandy goes to one of our best friends and we have Ryan's command Christmas party then Monday is the 2D, 3D, 4D gender appointment THEN the following week, I have to go in to get blood work done to test for down syndrome and things such as that and get an anatomy scan to be sure everything is going as it should be and baby D is growing correctly.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about it because that will make time go by much more slowly but Lord help me if a day doesn't go by without me constantly thinking about Monday! I am dying from the anticipation!

Opinions are like a**holes?

Yes, indeed they are. Everyone has them and nobody seems to like anyone's opinion on anything these days. What gives? Can't someone just post their opinion on their blog or on their Facebook without being bombarded by a million people that disagree? Every day I see it more and more. Not just on my own personal pages but also on my friends. Seriously, though. If I wanted to know how you feel about what I said, I would end my rant with, "what do you think". And to anyone reading this that told me about a friend of theirs having a problem I was talking about earlier, this isn't about you. It may be about other people just stating their opinion on my opinion but I totally don't disagree with you saying your friend was sick as a dog from it or that your friend almost died from it. THAT is fine. It's the people that say "Oh well I feel this way about this" after anyone says "I feel this way about this". It's old, annoying and downright irritating.

Maybe I sound like a brat who can't handle how other people feel or can't handle people not agreeing with how I feel but that's not really the case. I have just kind of had it up to here with people attacking me when they don't agree with what I say. This seemed to start right before all the election drama, got much worse DURING the election drama and has kind of just lingered.

So, basically, maybe my hormones can't handle the business anymore because they are running wild right now or maybe I am just annoyed with it in general! Either way, it makes me second guess posting how I feel about anything anymore and I don't like feeling censored.

Has anyone else noticed this more lately?

What do YOU want to see?

I have noticed lately that I have 240 followers but hardly get one comment per blog. Is there anything you guys would like to see me write about? Is there anything you are sick of reading about? I want YOU... to help me out here, lol.

Stuff.

As I sit here basking in all of the cute new maternity clothes I got today, I finally catch up on the last 2 days worth of blogs I missed and my heart just breaks. On one end, a friends husband is deploying and on another a friend has no clue when her husband will deploy. Could be months from now, could be sooner. I hate that. I read these blogs and it brings tears to my eyes. I know that pain. I know how hard it is to deal with the pre deployment blues and wonder how the heck I am going to do it. I know the panic of thinking about a deployment that is most likely months away. I hated all of those feelings and I hate that my friends are feeling them.

I'm not going to lie, for a while shore duty proved to not be much different than sea duty minus him going underway and getting deployed. He still was at work until 4 and for a while he was coming home and having to do more work here, too. NOW, well, for the next couple of months, he is going to work at 2 and getting home no later than 8. It's crazy. I'm sitting here thinking... How on earth could the people that only work a few hours a day get paid the same as people that work 14 hours a day? Not that I'm complaining, it just racks my brain.

On to the exciting baby stuff! Baby D's heart rate peaked at 152 on Friday! I don't feel pregnant anymore. I feel so good that I have a hard time believing I am still pregnant. The only reason I know I am is because of that healthy heartbeat and because of my ever growing belly :) I have pretty much nothing to complain about anymore and I am loving it!

I will leave you with this picture of the clothes I got today! 4 shirts/dresses, 2 pairs of leggings and a pair of boots for just under $100!

Also, I am 14 weeks and 4 days today :) (actually I am TECHNICALLY 14 weeks and 5 days since it's midnight, lol)

YEP!!!

Myspace Countdowns, Love Countdowns at WishAFriend.com

WOAH!

You blink and time has passed so quickly. How could Thanksgiving be in just 3 short days? How can it be that Ryan's cousin will be here TOMORROW?? And then, how can it be that 3 days after he goes back to IL, we will be hearing our little nuts heartbeat for the second time? Oh time, go ahead and keep this pace up because I am loving it!

Today I called and scheduled a special 3D/4D appointment and I am so so so excited to get to it! Come on December 10th! You are so close but you are so far away!
I know not all of you are following my baby blog but for the ones that are, I am sorry, you will be seeing this next picture twice! Here I am at 13 weeks!!

Taking that step

I decided to be that girl and join the club with having a baby blog. Some of you already follow it since it once was my TTC blog but for those of you who would like to continue getting baby updates, follow me here: Baby At Last!

Tis the season?

I don't know about you guys, but I love to say what I am thankful for all the time. I totally get that this season serves as a gentle reminder for those that don't have the time or are too busy to say what they are thankful for and I have come to like seeing the posts in my news feed even though I stand by what I said about it last year and the year before, etc. People should be thankful year round, not just once a year for 30 days. With that being said, I feel inspired to list 10 things I am thankful for currently. (This list is in no way. shape or form in order. It's just a list. Nothing on this list is number 1 or 10).

1) My amazing husband. He is and always has been my rock. Without him, I don't know where I would be today but I am willing to bet that I would be living with my parents hoping for Prince Charming to come around. He never would have. Ryan is Prince Charming.

2) God. I don't feel like I should have to explain why. My whole life is why. This baby that is growing inside of me is why. I have been blessed with MANY blessings and I don't know what I did to deserve them.

3) My amazingly supportive family. They have always been wonderful but it especially shows right now. They are always checking in on me to insure that all is well with me and with the baby. I love that they want to make sure everything is ok. That shows me that they care and they know I worry because of what happened before.

4) Our wonderful home. We are so blessed to own our home. Rather than throwing our money away on a rental every month, we are now investing in our future. It's wonderful.

5) My friends. I don't have many but the ones I do have are so awesome. I don't know what I would do without them.

6) Our fur babies. Sandy will no longer be ours next month but for the time we had her, she has been a blessing. And Mocha, our first, she has always been a light in our lives.

7) The Navy. Yes, I said it. As much as I hate coming second to the Navy, the Navy is the reason we have everything we have. The Navy gives us free healthcare. The Navy is the rock that makes Ryan able to be my rock.

8) Finally being blessed with a baby. We all know this has been a rough ride for Ryan and I but in 6 months, when we are holding a sweet tiny baby in our arms, it will all be worth it.

9) A comfortable bed. Thank GOD for having a comfortable bed. I am already having a hard time sleeping but the bed being comfortable has helped a LOT!

10) Life in general. I know, that's a wack way to end this but taking a look around myself, I can't believe this is my life. If anyone would have told me that I would have this life, I would have laughed. I never thought this would be my life. From being with a man who is gone more than he is home to being pregnant and growing a precious little life. I am blown away.

I am practically speechless

I just... I can't believe I am really going to have this baby. After the ultrasound today, it has really been sinking in and I have been fighting tears of joy all day and night. I am so overcome with joy. For a while I was trying to not get too close to this pregnancy because I couldn't help but worry that I would lose this baby too. I mean, my only pregnancy ended in heartache over a lost baby. To this day I mourn that loss. But, now? Now it feels real and I just can't believe that Ryan and I are really going to be mommy and daddy at the end of May. It's insane and amazing all at the same time.

Today the doctor acted like they weren't going to do an ultrasound because another doc did one a few weeks ago when I went in for my er check up. The only thing I could mutter was "I just don't understand why you wouldn't do anything to make sure the baby is ok" and then came the water works. I cried for a good 5 minutes while Ryan explained why we needed this ultrasound so badly and the doctor no longer hesitated. After doing my pap, he probed me and guess what? Our baby was moving around like there was a party going on in my uterus. What are the odds that a baby would be so active at 10 1/2 weeks?! Good grief!

Anyway, here are the photos of our beautiful baby <3 p="p">

Lastly, I'm honestly not sure if this is a bump or if it's bloat but I have read over and over again that if you aren't in shape, you could show sooner because your muscles are loose. So, here is my MAYBE bump!

Stoked!

Monday is my next appointment and hubs and I have been waiting forever for it! Thanking God it is finally almost here.

Baby Dawson is now 10 weeks and 2 days old and as far as we know, is doing great :)

My symptoms are:
Morning sickness from time to time (I will wake up knowing I am about to puke and let the dogs out, then it's done)
Food aversions still
Irritability (my poor husband :( I feel so bad for him)
Sleepiness during the day
Restlessness at night
And I think that's it!

The list has become a bit shorter huh?

I will make sure and post pictures asap!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Shore Duty

It's been a while since I have talked about the Navy life. Funny since that's what this blog is supposed to be, right? Sorry guys. Life gets crazy and priorities change. We all know why mine did.

Anyway, shore duty has been absolutely amazing. Though, I have gotten so used to Ryan always being here that when he randomly has to be on duty overnight, I''m a mess. Not that I cry or anything silly like that, but, I get really lonely and I have a hard time sleeping. I seriously can't even imagine going back to a ship after this. 

Ryan's typical day goes 7-4. HOWEVER, there are times when he works nights which especially sucks because he has to leave for work around 1 or 2 (depending on what is happening that day) and he doesn't get home until 8 or 9, sometimes 10 (could be later, just won't know until that night). He actually has a night shift coming up here soon and he will be on nights for a couple weeks to a couple of months. It will be the longest he has been on nights and I'm super not looking forward to it.

Do I sound like a Navy wife again while I complain about when my husband is gone and when I get to see him and whatnot? Haha, seriously, we all know I got it good and I don't have any right to complain but I have been through the underways and deployments so it's about dang time I get to complain because he has one night of duty!

No more mental breakdowns...

For now, at least. I am trying so hard to be chill and just let this pregnancy do it's thing, but I just turn into a hormonal worry wart sometimes. Try as I might, when the worrying starts, it would take moving a mountain to get it to stop. I just freak out because I have all these symptoms and some days I feel them really bad but some days I don't really feel them at all and that's when I freak out.

The miscarriage I had was a missed miscarriage. Yes, there is such a thing as MISSING your miscarriage. Basically, the baby died but I showed ZERO symptoms and still had all the wacky hormones so I still showed the pregnancy symptoms I had been showing. Our baby died at 7 weeks and 1 day but I didn't show ANY symptoms of miscarriage until I was 11 weeks and 4 days. Then even after waiting 5 more days, I just spotted. The baby wouldn't come on it's own. I literally felt little contractions. It was the worst thing ever.

That is why I get so freaked out during this pregnancy. I worry that something will happen and I wont know and I will go on the next few weeks being happy that I'm pregnant for no reason. I'm scared to become a casket again. I have deep fears because of that first pregnancy but above all, I just want a healthy baby at the end of May.

Just, help me Lord. Please help me through this. Please bless us with the baby. And please help me find some peace.

Stress

This has to be the most stress I have ever felt. Since having a miscarriage, a missed miscarriage at that, it seems I am consumed with worry. I think the worry has so badly taken over my brain that it is now tricking my body into believing that I am not pregnant because I'm not feel many symptoms any more. Maybe I am, though. Sometimes my breasts will feel like they did before I got pregnant. Totally normal, no pain at all. Right now they are very tender to the touch. I was sick as a dog for like 4 or 5 days. I never puked but I felt like I was going to ALL DAY AND NIGHT for those 4 or 5 days and now I don't feel like that at all except for every once and a while I will feel a LITTLE nauseous.

I just have to tell myself it'll be ok. That everything is ok. I mean, the first day I didn't feel sick was the day I went to the dr and got my first ultrasound and heard the babies heartbeat so why should I worry so much?

I wish I could just stop. I don't even understand how some women can go through a pregnancy and not worry about their baby every step of the way, especially early on. I am a mess right now.

I know I need to chill out but sometimes these feelings are really intense and they have been that way for the past 2 days. I should probably take that as a good sign of my hormones being really high, but my brain isn't working that way right now.

I just wish it was time for that next appointment but I have right at 3 weeks before then so I really need to get it together. And that is the end of today's rant, lol.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Nails

I decided long ago that I wasn't going to blog about my nails anymore on this blog but I haven't even been blogging about my nails on my nail blog. Today's post is especially relevant to this blog anyway. Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day and I did a mani in rememberance of all the sweet babies born too soon, not born at all and those that went to be in heaven with Jesus before we even got the chance to get to know them well enough.

My personal story is this:

Ryan and I tried for only a month to get pregnant and I took a test after being one day late. That test came back positive and we were elated. At 11 weeks pregnant (just 5 days before I was supposed to go have an ultrasound) I started spotting. I tried really hard to not worry about it because I wasn't cramping or anything else so, I asked my best friend to take me to the er (Ryan was on duty) where I would find out our baby died at 7 weeks and 1 day. I was absolutely devastated. For the next 2 days, I cried my heart out. The first day, I couldn't even breathe. I didn't want to live. I walked around in a haze. I took percocet once every 4 hours even though I wasn't in physical pain.

For the next year, I cried almost every time I started my period. When I thought I was a little late for my period, I took a test just to ease my mind so I would start. The last time I did that, I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. We tried for almost a year and as absolutely shocked and overcome with joy I am, I can't help but still mourn the loss of our first baby. I record videos for our baby and I always talk about his or her older brother/sister. I think it's important for our baby to know that it has an older sibling in heaven, even if he/she never got to meet him/her.

I am thinking of all the sweet babies in heaven today. If you lost a baby, you are being remembered, I promise. I will be lighting a few candles tonight as well for those who I know have lost a baby and one for those that I don't know.

RIP to our sweet angel baby 7.18.2011-9.4.2011

I'm just gonna leave this here :D

We have a heartbeat!!! We can HEAR a heartbeat. And it's STRONG!

To my little raspberry:

Today you are 7 weeks and 2 days and you have officially outlived your older brother/sister. I get nervous because of what happened with him/her. Everyone tells me to not worry about that and that they feel like this is the one but you know what? I started worrying about you before you even came to be and I will worry about you for the rest of my life. It's what mommies do. I'm having a really hard time eating because I am so sick but last night I ate buttered honey wheat bread (untoasted) and it was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. I ate FIVE pieces! For breakfast I am eating 3 pieces and I think I am only eating 3 because we are out. Anyway, I just have to say it, hang in there. Mommy and daddy need you. We love you to pieces and you aren't even in our arms yet.

Things I am thankful for:

This literally is just going to be a list so if you are already bored, move on. If you would love to see what I am currently thankful for, have a look see!

1) I have an absolutely wonderful husband who adores me and would do anything for our little family.

2) I have the most supportive and loving family ever. I will never ever take them for granted.

3) We have the sweetest, most adorable dog-ders ever! They light up our life and have been big helps through this TTC journey.

4) We own a home. We have a roof over our heads and how could you not be thankful for that?

5) A friend of mine text me this morning and asked if I wanted her maternity clothes. I about died when I saw the pile of clothes she was talking about. I got 27 shirts, 9 pairs of pants, 6 pairs of shorts, 4 dresses, 2 skirts and 2 pairs of comfy/pj pants plus a belly band. Seriously, I feel extremely blessed. I never expected anyone to give me this much stuff. I feel like it means something :)

6) We are finally pregnant with our rainbow baby and I will be 7 weeks tomorrow. Our wonderful little raspberry has a heartbeat and we got to see it Friday! It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen and I pretty much bawled. I can still see it in my head! I can't wait for our 11 week appointment! I wanna see/possibly hear that little heartbeat again!

A few quick updates

I went to my group appointment this morning. The nurse almost made me cry 20 times by talking about the miscarriage. My 1st appointment is November 5th and I will be almost 11 weeks by then. I am already going nuts because of having to wait so long! I had absolutely no idea that I would have to wait that long. My last pregnancy wasn't like this. I was considered high risk because of cramping and light bleeding I had at the beginning of my pregnancy so I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks and 5 days. Don't get me wrong, I am glad the baby will be bigger and the heartbeat will be fairly possible to hear and everything by then but I wish I could just sleep until then because I have absolutely no patience when it comes to knowing how my babys health is. I know it's normal to have these feelings but I feel like mine are so much more intense because of the miscarriage and my fear of miscarrying again. I just can't wait to see my precious baby.

Life these days:

The dogs are driving me crazy. I don't know if it's the hormones or if they really are just that annoying.

My pregnancy symptoms are as follows:
Tired all the time.
Nauseated from time to time.
Cramping.
Lower back pain.
Peeing once every half an hour to hour.
Super thirsty all the time.
and I have the worst taste in my mouth.

Ryan has been absolutely amazing through this. He has been waiting on me even though he knows I don't need him to. I think he is scared that something is going to happen again.

I can't wait to get through tomorrow! Wednesday morning is the group session where I fill out paperwork, get my blood work done and schedule my first official appointment! I hope to God that time flies while I wait for that appointment. I went crazy enough just waiting for this one. As long as I don't get a phone call from them between Wednesday and the first appointment all is well. Please pray that I don't get a phone call.

Is that how it's gonna be?

I announce that I'm pregnant and lose a follower? Ouch, lol.

Anyway, I'm sure some of you are dying to hear the story so here it goes:

I was on the phone with my mom, Ryan wasn't home and I didn't expect him to get home. I secretly took that test just to ease my mind and for it to possibly make me start my period because while TTC I got phantom pregnancy symptoms and they would cause my period to be late. So, I put my mom on speaker, pee'd on the stick and as it started to turn, Ryan came home. My mom couldn't understand me but I asked her 2 times how likely it was to get a false positive pregnancy test. I walked out of the bathroom and handed the test to Ryan. The smile on his face was absolutely PRICELESS. I wish I could have taken a picture of that moment. It is forever embedded in my mind. We embraced, cried, laughed and I shook for a while. I seriously am in shock. I cannot believe this is real. It doesn't feel real. But I am SO happy that it IS real.

What's the craziest part? It's not that I started using a less harsh top coat on Monday. No, it wasn't that I quit smoking Monday night. It's the fact that I got pregnant with this baby around the same time that I lost our first baby last year. I feel like fate is working here. This all makes sense. We are supposed to have this baby.

This time, I will not go to the ER and lie and say that I am cramping and lightly bleeding. This time I will do it right and wait. The group session is October 3rd and after that I will have my blood work done. I will also find out when my first appointment is at the group session. I want it as soon as I can get it.

For now, I am just going to chill out. I have been so laid back about this pregnancy so far. I don't want anything to happen to my baby and I feel very confident that this is it. I thought for sure I would be so scared, but I feel a sense of peace. Overwhelming happiness and peace.

You want to read this, trust me!

On Monday afternoon I bought a 3 free topcoat and on Monday night I quit smoking. On Tuesday I took a pregnancy test because I was a day late for my period and I figured another negative test would ease my mind and I would start...

I don't even have words. It's beyond words. I am in shock, still. It doesn't feel real. I never thought this day would come. A miscarriage then a year of trying and it ended here. I canNOT believe it!!!

Wow!

I'm pretty excited to see my number of followers going up lately! I wonder what I'm doing right? Haha.

Well, this is week 4 of the "get fit" journey and I am happy so say that I am no longer in the 180's. Though I still weigh right at 180 (179.6) it still feels so amazing to not see an 8 after that 1. Ryan has lost around 6 lbs or so as well.

Life is going pretty darn good. My birthday is Friday so we are going to North Carolina for a few days. I'm really excited about that. I love it when we go there. It's like a mini vacation where we get to be with people we love. On top of that, we are going to have a little birthday party for Mocha with Sandy (our other furbaby) and our friends dogs while we are there! We got her a little doggy cake called a "pup-pie" and it has 8 little slices of doggy friendly cake. It's adorable. I can't believe our little girl is so grown up now. 1 whole year of life. Her and Sandy are a strong driving force of happiness and annoyance in our lives, lol.

Lastly,



NEVER FORGET 9.11

I know I just posted a weight loss pic but...

I am so insanely excited! I lost another half an inch since I last posted and my "lose weight to fit these" pants FIT!

I know it sounds so stupid but I bought these yoga pants around a year ago and they have always been way too tight. Now I can wear them on my hips where they belong and not feel insanely fat and uncomfortable!

Weight loss update!

I'm just going to leave this photo here:

Not only have I lost a good inch or 2, but my posture is WAY better! This was taken Saturday, which was the 2 weeks of working out 6 days a week mark :)

Fighting Tears (and losing)

Do you guys remember last year on this date? I know you may not remember what the date was, but I posted a blog that actually brought some of you to tears. I was absolutely at my worst when I wrote it and could bearly see through the tears to even write. On this date last year, I found out I was miscarrying.

This time last year I was a shell of a woman. I was high on percocet and bearly breathing because I literally couldn't stop crying. Every time I stopped, I started again. And again, and again, and again. My husband must have been dying inside from not knowing what to do. Nothing would have helped anyway.

It hit like a knife to my heart yesterday when I realized what today was.

I can say that I am way better now than I ever thought I would be but it still kills me every day.

I have to remind myself that it was real.

Even though you never made it into my arms, you are always in my heart <3 nbsp="nbsp">

Work it gurllll

 Oy, some people's kids man. Who would seriously put that on that ceiling? DOH! 

Hubs and I got a gym membership last Friday! We are both so stoked to be healthy! I am insanely motivated. What's really awesome is that our memberships came with 3 free sessions with a trainer. We both had our first session with our trainers on Saturday and thought we were going to die by the time we were done, lol.
I did cardio for the next 2 work outs then had my second session with my trainer. It was HELL. By the end of it I literally couldn't hold my own legs up to do the last work out he was having me do so he held them for me.
Wednesday I did cardio and today I did the sets he had me do on Tuesday. I have a goal of either a loss of 10 lbs or 2 inches by my birthday (September 14th).

This dog has got it going on! You wish you were this dog!

 Hubs and I are eating a lot healthier. I literally can't bring myself to want something other than a salad, protein shake or protein bar anymore.

I WISH I could do sit ups like this. Then again, that doesn't look healthy AT. ALL.

All that is leading up to this:

This is my body BEFORE photo. Next Saturday I will be posting an update :) Wish me luck!

Some things I have learned

In my almost 3 year relationship with the Navy I have learned some things that I never would have known as a civilian (aka not being with a man in the military, not that I'm not still a civilian, lol).

1) This life is not as hard as it seems. As sad as it is to have to get used to your s/o being gone, you eventually do. I never thought I would get used to the underways/deployment/duty days but over time I did. No lie, when I was younger I ALWAYS said I could never be with a man in the military because when my ex went on a business trip I cried every night for the entire week. It was torture. I want to smack my past self in the face. We got to talk on the phone all the time. The only real issue was not having a companion there and staying at my parents house instead of his apartment. I was a dumb woman then, lol.

2) This life is HARDER than it seems. People seem to think that when the spouse isn't deployed, they are home. All of my friends were shocked when they found out Ryan worked a regular job on the ship too. Honestly, I thought the same thing until I started really talking to the ex I met Ryan through so I get it. In Indiana, all we really have is the "weekend warriors" so I just kind of figured they were all like that. Boy was I ever wrong!

3) I'm stronger than I thought I was. When Ryan deployed I sobbed myself to sleep every night. Not to mention the sporadic sobbing done throughout every day for the first month or so. You know what, though? I got over it. Yeah, there were times I just really wanted Ryan and felt so helpless because I couldn't have him, hold him, or talk to him. I needed hugs that only he could give me to make me feel better. Deployment SUCKS. HARD. But, if you love your s/o, you will be just fine. Also, fyi, it's not hard to not cheat on someone you love. Which leads me to my next learning experience...

4) People are disgusting. I have never seen so much cheating in my life. Between the spouses left behind and the men deployed, some of these people can't seem to keep their panties on. It's absolutely insane and disgusting. My friends, my husband and I were at the Virginia Beach Patriotic Festival 2 years ago and they were doing announcements and thanking the men and women of the Armed Forces and they thanked the "heroes at home" and a guy behind me literally said "Yeah, thank you, ya cheating whores". I almost lost my cool because a) It's not just women that get left behind, men are spouses too. And b) the ones deployed cheat too!!! Does it really make it ok for them to cheat on us just because they are serving their country? HELL NO. It's NEVER ok to cheat.



Well, I think that is all I am going to say for now. I'd kind of like to make this "some things I have learned" be a small part of my regular posting :) What have YOU learned since being in a military relationship?

Being thankful

I am seriously grateful for the absolutely wonderful group of military bloggers that stands behind me and sticks up for me. I've had this blog for a long time and it wasn't until recently that someone decided to troll me on militaryblogs.org. I beat myself up over the fact that this ONE person was mean to me and said so many rude things to me so I went on a group on Facebook with mil-blogging buddies and asked for their opinion about the situation. It was an eye opener...

I can't believe how many of these sweet women have had people be absolutely rude to them because they didn't like or agree with what they wrote about. I don't understand what makes people think that we are writing our blogs FOR THEM. Probably 95% of the blog world is made up of people that blog as an online journal rather than a blog with q and a's or something else of the sort.

Honestly, since I have started writing my blog, my diary has been lonely. The last time I wrote in my diary was the day before Ryan's homecoming and that diary was for him. I called it the "Deployment journal". It was where I went to tell him everything I didn't want to put on here. I was sometimes way weaker than I wrote about on my blog and I felt like he deserved to know how I really felt every day he was gone. Not to be mean, but to show him how life progressed and how hard it was at first, and to show him how much better I got over time. Basically to show him I can deal with this way of life.

I don't know how some people actually feel about me and I don't really care to know because all that matters in the end is how I feel about me. Some people call that self absorbed, some say "good for you!". I just really don't want to have my feelings so hurt when someone doesn't like something I do. I try to please people but I can't please them all, no matter what I do.

To those of you that have been around basically since day one and are still here, I can't tell you how thankful I am to have people like you in my life. You help make my world go round <3 p="p">

Lackluster.

The saga continues. Rachel is back and I don't even know what to do with this. I find it funny that I seem self-absorbed when all I usually talk about is Ryan. Plus... I'm here to talk about MY life right? Does that REALLY make me self-absorbed?

Rachel says "I would take the time to read your blog, but your writing style is boring, and lackluster. I feel for you for the hardships you've been through. you seem very self-absorbed and a pessimist. "


Anyway, we are all settled into the house and it has been absolutely wonderful. Ryan's mom came to visit and is leaving tomorrow then we have a couple of days to ourselves before Friday night when my mom, dad and 2 nieces come to visit for a few days. I'm really excited for them to get here. I love when they come to visit because that means we don't only get to see them once a year. Being around family is always heart warming and great when you don't get to see them as often as you would like to.


Sandy and Mocha are all settled into the house as well, now. They got into the neighbors yard a couple of times but we fixed the fence so now they can't, lol. It was really upsetting when they got over there because we weren't sure they would come back. It's always scary when babies are running loose :/

Anyway, this self-absorbed pessimist is done for the night. 

Negativity and Rambling...

So, I went to militaryblogs.org to check out blogs and see how mine was doing and I had a comment on my listing that said "I'm not a big fan of this blog. So much negativity and rambling". Well EXCUSE the hell out of me for using my blog to get out some pent up aggression.

Just so we are clear, a blog is an online journal where you go to write out your feelings and if you so choose to, share it with the world. That's pretty much what this blog is about and if you dont like it:

There's the hypothetical door. Don't let it hit you on your pmsing behind when it closes.

Some day (such as today), I think about just changing my blog to The musings of a bitchy housewife. Then people would know what they were getting themselves into when they started following.

I suppose I am too negative because of the TTC process. You know what? It's been absolute hell so before you go saying things like that, be sure you know how hard of a time a person is having.

Just... So not cool. That is all. (hope that wasn't too much negativity and rambling!)

Updates!!!

So, we bought a house! We also bought a new bed, sectional, coffee table/end table set, dining room table and an accent chair! We also got an alarm system installed! Yeah, we went a little crazy but we have never had new, nice things. Our house is just perfect for us and we couldn't be happier!

Ryan has officially started instructing on his own and so far it's been great for him/us. His birthday is coming up and his mom is going to be here visiting for 8 days starting the 1st THEN my parents and a couple of nieces are going to come on the 10th and stay for a few days! It's gonna be a very busy month. THEN my birthday is in September and we are going to North Carolina for that.

Have I mentioned yet that we got another dog? Her name is Sandy Beach and she is part retriever part Shepard and she is super sweet. She is also a hand full. When we got her she was only 10 weeks old. Now she is 13 weeks! She is a rescue. We went into PetSmart to buy Mocha some dog food and they were having adoptions. We wanted all of them but once Sandy put her paws on me, I knew she was the one for us!

Here's a picture of her:

 And here's a picture of our almost 1 year old Mocha Frappuchino. She's growing up too fast :(

 Lastly, a picture just to make you say AWWWWWWWW:

That's everything in a nut shell right now!

Recent happenings

For starters, I now have a TTC blog so if you're curious, here it is: http://ttcangelmommysjourney.blogspot.com/

On to the next thing: The house we are looking to buy came in at $5,000 less than they were asking for it. It took us a few days to finally hear back from them about whether they were willing to sell at that price or not but the day before yesterday we got the addenda saying they agreed to it! We drove past the house a few days ago and saw this: (the house in the background isn't ours)

We were so excited to see the sold sign hanging! I just HAD TO take a picture.

My mom, dad, sister and niece were here from Friday night until Monday morning. We all had a great time. Spent a few hours on the beach and did a bunch of stuff Saturday including swimming in our pool for a few hours and going to my friends wedding. All in all, it was a great, busy weekend and I was sad to see them go. I always enjoy spending lost time with my loved ones.

Now it's just Ryan, Mocha and I. The house is so quiet and feels so empty. It's nice to have our alone time again but I wish the visits with family weren't so few and far between.

The fun of packing begins this weekend in the sweltering hot 95 degree weather. I want to tackle the garage (it's full of boxes that we never unpacked when we moved in here) but I hope we don't die from heat strokes in there. We definitely plan to do a lot of swimming over the weekend too.

That's all I have for now! I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a wonderful day!

I know I have said this before, but...

I'm serious this time. 9 freaking months into TTC and I have started my period once again. This month was looking different. 7 or 8 days after ovulation I started cramping and they lasted a day and a half. I never have PMS, EVER, so I was like hmmmmmmm, implantation cramps?? Aunt Flow didn't come yesterday when she was expected so I really did start to get excited but I was still trying to keep the excitement at bay because of how often we have been let down in this process. I even took 3 pregnancy tests like a psycho 3 days in a row, all negative, of course.

I'm not freaking trying anymore. I refuse to pay attention to any more details of the TTC process. My poor mind can't take it anymore and neither can my poor heart. I just... literally CAN'T. I am mentally and physically exhausted from all the pain. I just can't anymore.

Am I REALLY still a Navy wife?

Some days I just have to ask myself that question. Not because Ryan is no longer in the Navy (he IS) but because shore duty has put me in a place most of my friends are not. The vast majority of my "Navy wife friends" husbands' are on ships. They are still being deployed and going on underways. They still have the 24 hour/overnight duty. Listen carefully, I'm NOT complaining. Ryan basically has a 9-5 (orrrrrr 7-3) job now. On his duty days, he stands his watch then he gets to come home. He hasn't been gone overnight in MONTHS. I don't even know what I would do with myself if he were to be gone overnight. I would probably be a mess. Don't judge me, though! You wouldn't like it either, lol. I know, I know, how dare *I* miss my husband for one measley night when yours is gone for 6 more months. I feel for you. I really do. I have been there and I didn't handle deployment as well as some women do. I cried in a pillow ALL THE TIME and there wasn't one day that passed that I didn't miss Ryan HORRIBLY. I don't EVER want deployment to rare it's ugly stinking head at me EVER again.

What I'm getting at is, I feel like I can't relate anymore. I used to be sad and missing my husband because he was underway when some of my other friends were as well. Now, I just can't really relate to anyone. I feel like a clown fish in an ocean full of dolphins.

In other news, Ryan went to the cardiologist today and they prescribed him meds should he ever go into atrial fibberlation again. They also want to do a sleep study on him to see if he has sleep apnea.

Everything is going great with the house. Our offer was accepted and now we are just waiting on the appraisal. Please Lord let this work because we are SERIOUSLY crunched for time.

That is all.

House hunting

Yes, that's right. We are on the prowl. After talking about it Ryan and I decided to buy a house. Yes, we are only going to be in the area FOR SURE for 3 more years but we are sick to death of renting and them raising the rent every year and everything else that comes with renting a home. We were pre approved for a home loan yesterday 10 minutes before we were set to meet with our realtor to look at a few houses.

I'm not going to lie, I felt VERY violated when our mortgage broker called and asked us about credit cards and things that previously went into collections. I felt sick to my stomach after we got off the phone with her. I didn't think we would get approved for the loan after speaking with her because I don't have good credit at all. It's not HORRIBLE but it isn't good. Ryan has good/great credit so I wasn't worried on his end. She was asking me about things that were paid late when I was younger and why they had been sent to collections and all I could think was, "What business is that of YOURS, broad". Sigh, I just don't like people being in my business but I know it's all a part of this.

So, now begins the search for what is closest to our dream home in our price range :)

Mothers Day

Today should be a day of happiness, not tears, yet as soon as I woke up this morning, I felt like a ton of bricks was on my heart. As you all know, I was supposed to officially be a mommy at the end of March but I miscarried at the beginning of September. It has left a terrible empty feeling in my soul. I should have been a mommy to a sweet, precious baby on earth, not an angel in heaven who I couldn't see, touch, feed, laugh with, cry with, and raise. My mind is weary today. This should have been my first Mother's Day as a mommy.

When you are wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day, please don't forget about the "statistics". 1 in 4 pregnancys end in miscarriage. Today is a hard day for us angel mommys.

I do feel blessed that our baby is spending mothers day in heaven with my Grandma, though. I just know they are having a great time with the rest of the family up there, but it doesn't make lil ole me down here want my baby to be here, too.

I hope you ALL have a happy mother's day, whether your baby has 4 paws, 2 legs or angel wings <3

Update and UPGRADE!

First thing's first, they came and got Bo yesterday and took him to a new home because we had a few issues with him. I felt really sad that he had to go and the old lady that took him was kind of mean in her own way by just not really saying anything to us when she came to get him. I felt like she was silently judging us as being bad people because we couldn't adopt him. We told her we would keep him until they were able to find him a new home and we even told her we had friends that were interested in taking him but she emailed me Thursday night and told me she would be coming to get him Friday. I felt like someone took a hammer to my heart. He really was a sweet dog, he just had issues that weren't going to change, like growling at Mocha most of the time she tried to play with him. One of the big reasons we wanted another dog was so she would have a play mate.

Things this way are going pretty good although I am depressed BIG TIME about not being able to get pregnant again. I haven't gotten through the miscarriage depression yet. I went as far as to tell Ryan that I think I need to see a therapist. I really think I do.

Anyone who has been on the blog long enough knows this is what my ring looks like:

I love it. It is special to me and will always be held close to my heart but after much thinking, Ryan decided it was time for an upgrade!!!

It's so stunning that I find myself having Attention Deficit OHHHH SHINY! Driving home was quite the task.
And, yes, he got a new one too! His old one was just a wider version of my band but now it's this!

It's Tungsten Carbide and we both love it!

We are both sooooooooo happy with our new rings! It made my Military Spouse Appreciation Day pretty darn epic.

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!

A little about me:

I am a Navy wife of almost 2 years and a Navy girlfriend/fiance of almost 2 1/2 years. I started my blog when I was still a girlfriend so that tells you just about how long I have been doing this! I am 26 years old and my husband and I are trying to conceive after suffering a devastating loss of our first and only pregnancy. I babysit full time at home and my husband was just transferred to shore duty. We are loving every minute of it after him being on a ship for 5 years (I met him and we quickly became best friends after he was on his ship for a year and a half). We live in Virginia Beach, Virginia and we have an adorable dogder named, Mocha. She is a ray of sunshine in a cloudy, dark sky. We recently started fostering to adopt a 5 year old Walker Hound named Bo but due to a few issues, we will no longer have him after today :(

Today, being MSA Day, I have a little to say (I posted this in the morning on my Facebook but you ALL deserve to see it!: 

Do you see that woman over there crying? Her husband just deployed and she is feeling completely helpless and lonely. Do you see that woman shopping by herself with 3 kids? She has to shop alone because her husband is out on a mission. Do you see that man eating alone? He has to eat alone because his wife is underway for the next 2 weeks. The only people that know and understand what the military spouse goes through are other military spouse's. We are mothers, sisters, daughters, dads, sons, brothers, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and cousins and we are all part of a [not so] silent and [not so] small sisterhood/brotherhood. We deserve a pat on the back for all that we do while our husbands/wives are away. Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day and I want to extend an "I appreciate you!" to ALL the spouses! Will you?

I hope you all have a wonderful day! Never forget, you ARE appreciated!!! <3<3<3

We have a new addition!

We have been wanting a companion for Mocha for a little while and a friend of mine was trying to get rid of her dog because she didn't feel she was giving the dog the attention she deserves. We went over there yesterday with Mocha to see how the dogs acted around each other and her dog just wasn't having it. With a heavy heart, we had to decline. On our way home we remembered that Petsmart was having an adoptathon so we went straight there only to find out it had ended at 4. No fear, though, because they had it again today so we got up at 9 to get there at 9:30 (though we ended up getting there around 9:40) and the adopting started at 10. That bring us to this guy:

Everyone meet Bo! He is a 5 year old Walker Hound with a big heart and a really sweet and gentle nature. He was a stray when they found him and only weighed 22 lbs :(. He was also heartworm positive but he's fine now and weighs a whooping 59 lbs (he needs to lose a few lbs, lol) The poor baby was in the foster system for a year. We are fostering to adopt him basically only because we wanted to see how he would act with our Mocha baby. As of right now, we definitely want him! The first thing he did in the yard when he got here was take a dump, lol. Anyway, here is a picture of Mocha with her big brother Bo!

He is a lot taller then he appears to be in this picture. We are so happy to have him!

There are so many precious dogs and cats that deserve wonderful forever homes. Please, if you ever decide you want a dog or cat(or another dog or cat), consider adoption. You would not believe just how great these animals can be to someone that truly loves and wants them.

Back to Work

Hubs is back to work and I am being a big pussy about it. I have been so insanely spoiled having him around so much for the past 2 months. It's sad that he isn't here to keep me company now. I understand now how women that have their husbands home all the time can miss them when they are *just* at work. To those who are having to deal with much more separation: Please don't scorn me. I once was in your shoes and I know it's irritating but leave me be. Please don't come in here and say "at least he isn't deployed" GAH DOES THAT DRIVE ME BATTY. Also, don't say, "be grateful he isn't on a ship and going underway anymore" because that will give me a reason to say "shut up". I am very grateful he isn't on that wretched ship anymore. That doesn't make me miss him any less. I love my husband veryyyy much and any amount of time away from him sucks.

The end.

I have so many words...

But I am speechless. Seriously, a REALITY TV SHOW based on MILITARY WIDOWS? Are these people serious right now? Thank goodness Erika @ chambanachik wasn't. Please go check out her blog post. Don't let these fools get away with this. And always remember...

Rant and rave?

I have been a bad blogger lately and I apologize to my wonderful followers for that. I want to do another giveaway but the last one only got 3 entries so I don't really know if I will do another one any time soon. It was kind of a bit of a let down. Sometimes I don't understand how I have 220 followers and most of the time only get MAYBE 1 comment. I wonder if most of my followers are even on blogger anymore and if they aren't then why in the world doesn't Google get rid of them on the list?

*end rant*

The trip to Indiana was wonderful but we couldn't wait to get home. There was never really a dull moment there and we didn't get much time to ourselves though being around our families for 2 whole weeks was pretty fantastic seeing as we don't get to see them often. The trip home was a lot better then the trip there. It took about 14 1/2 hours instead of the 16 1/2 hours it took to get there. Mocha wasn't as big of a pain in the butt on the trip home but she didn't use the bathroom for 12 hours. We stopped a number of times but she totally refused to go. I don't understand why. I am really thanking God that she didn't get a bladder infection. I was very worried that she might get one because it's really unhealthy for a dog to go that long without peeing. We haven't had any problems with her health lately. I am thanking God for that, too.

The battery in my car started acting up a few days ago but we didn't think anything of it. Thursday, it wouldn't start so yesterday we took the battery to Auto Zone to get it tested and it was fine. They charged it up for us so Ryan put it back in my car and we took the car there so they could test the alternator. When she started the test the battery was at 70% and when she started the test again the battery was at 60% so that told her that the alternator was, indeed, bad. We took it in to Firestone and got it back today, $450 later. Sighhhhh, that car is costing us much more then it should be. It makes me wonder how the previous owner took care of it, if at all.

I think that's pretty much it. I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!

Guest post: Sprinkles of my Life

Well, I seriously have been slacking on this guest post and I want to send a tremendous apology out to Lindsey! Without further ado, here is her post!

1) I came to visit and we went out for a night on the town. Where did we go and why?

Girl, we'd dress up all snazzy, get a delicious dinner at Carrabbas and go see the latest movie!=) When the movie ended, we would leave the theatre and go sit on that wooden bench by the large pond which glistened in the moonlight. I'd buy us both an ice cream sundae, and we would talk girl-talk, exchanging smiles and laughter here and there. Background music would be playing, the large shimmery fountain in the pond would be flowing, and colorful lights would be twinkling everywhere. Why, u ask? Well why not?! :D


2) Coffee, tea or neither? Why?

Sweet tea all the way baby!! <3 It's amazing and so delish. 


3) What made you start blogging and is that still the reason you blog today?

To tell u the truth, I JUST started blogging about a week ago!!! I was inspired by a lot of other blogs that I had been following, and I wanted to make one for myself. It's small right now, but I have big dreams. <3


4) What does your blog focus on?

Things that are happening in my everyday life...including lots of pictures!! I am a photography nut, and proud of it. :D If u follow my blog, u will begin to see how much photos mean to me and how often I use them. Right now, I'm attempting a 30 Day Photo Challenge.(: Come on! Check it out!


5) Using the title of a movie, describe your life!

Hmm...I know a lot of movies, but one with a title describing my life?! Ahh...this one works - The Sound of Music. Singing is my life. It's what I do best. I'm heard singing quite often, and I am always involved with theatre. So if u are around me, you will undoubtedly hear The Sound of Music. :)

Hey! I'm Lindsey. :) I write over at sprinklesofmylife1.blogspot.com. I'm a mac and cheese lover, a passionate singer, the girl with the photographer's eye, an old fashioned chick aka one who LOVES writing and receiving snail mail, a Disney movie fan, and a disciple of Jesus Christ. <3 He is my one, true and perfect Love. 

*Insert pic of myself here*

I would be delighted, my lovelies, if you would stop by my blog and follow me!=D

•Lindsey•

My Memories giveaway WINNER!!!

Random.org has chosen a winner and that is *drumroll* TIA!!!

Congrats to Tia for winning!

I will email you details :)

Indianananananananana!

I know, I'm crazy. But, I am soo happy to be here! The drive here was pretty hellish. A trip that usually takes 13-14 hours took 16+ because our crazy dog wouldn't use the bathroom. She didn't pee until 8+ hours into the trip when she really couldn't handle it anymore (at a rest stop, thank God. I was very worried that she would pee in my car). By the time we got here I felt like nothing short of a zombie. I could hardly keep my eyes open and my head up but we managed to stay awake for another hour or 2 before crashing.

For the first 2 days Ryans parents dog (Toby) didn't seem to like Mocha but he got over that and now they play until Toby doesn't want to anymore. Mocha would play all day, every day if she was given the chance to, lol.

Our trip has been great except for the fact that Ryans uncle (who was battling cancer) passed away on his moms birthday. I felt awful for her and I still do. The funeral is tomorrow and I hope we are able to keep her as much at peace as possible. Ryan seems to be holding up okay though he got choked up a little when we went to the viewing today.

It has been a wonderful visit with his family but I can't wait to see my family.

To top it all off, Ryan has been home day in and day out this whole time and we aren't getting sick of each other! Yayayayayayayayayyyyyy!

That is all.

My Memories Giveaway!

(I decided to start over since I didn't have things squared away because of traveling.)

It has come time for me to do the My Memories giveaway! My Memories Suite is digital scrapbooking but it's also SO MUCH MORE! I am so excited to have the opportunity to give this away to one of my lucky readers! Here are a few things I made with the software!

The first thing as you can see is a collage showing off my favorite things! The green drink is wine (it was St Pattys day so I added food coloring, lol)

 I made this for fun!

 And this is my Facebook Timeline Cover!

So as you can see, it doesn't have to be digital scrapbooking BUT their digital scrapbooking stuff is really awesome!
As a special for all of my readers, My Memories gave me my very own Share the Memories code that provides a $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store - $20 value!


Good luck everyone!!!


These are mandatory: (all comments need to be seperate!)
1) Follow me via GFC (Google Friend Connect) and leave your name in the comments area!
2) Visit http://www.mymemories.com/store/category_search?search[category]=72 and tell me which digital scrapbooking kit is your favorite in the comments.


For extra entries:
3) Follow me on Twitter @DawsonsPrincess and leave your twitter handle in the comments
4) Tweet about the giveaway and tag @DawsonsPrincess and @MyMemoriesSuite and comment saying you did so.
5) Like https://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Life-as-a-Sailors-Princess/121320551255750 and leave your facebook name in the comments.
6) Follow my nailventures @ www.nonakednailsallowed.blogspot.com and leave your GFC name in the comments.