18+ only

It has come that time again for me to blog about the wonderful EdenFantasys again and I am rather excited to share my review on their kissaholic aphrodisiac infused plumping lip gloss! As you may know from my last post for EdenFantasys, they sell more then just sex toys. The best part? I got one of my best friends the lip gloss as well and she loves it too!

To be completely honest, I don't notice a big difference in my lip size when I use it which was kind of a downer for me but trust when I say, it's my new favorite lip gloss! It's not too thick and it lasts longer then most lip glosses I have used in the past! Oh, and, it tastes yummy too, lol. I personally have the peppermint and the pear. I got my friend the pomegranite vanilla and they are all lightly tinted and just lovely. They don't make you look like your lips are so shiny that someone could use them as a mirror and I appreciate that.

My second favorite thing about EdenFantasys is how fast their shipping is, even during this holiday season. I ordered 2 of the lip glosses on Wednesday of last week and got them on Friday! I was absolutely stunned as I really thought I was going to have to give my friend hers (a Christmas present) the day after Christmas. You never fail me, EdenFantasys!


Just in time for Christmas!

Here is my post on Ryans ships Christmas party (and some other stuff):

In a nutshell it wasn't nearly as fun as I was hoping it would be but we had a great time blasting on the ship whores and the spouse skanks that dressed not so classy for the party. As a matter of fact, not so classy doesn't even cover it. Some of them dressed as though they were hookers looking to take home a Sailor, or someones spouse. Either way, it was gross. The food was alright. We both were kind of tired and frustrated because the ship didn't pull in from their underway until like 5:30 and the party was set for 6:30. Ryan didn't even get home until 6:30 ish. Oy. To top it all off, they had over 100 prizes and we didn't win anything. Isn't the hopes of winning something and getting to play dress up the ONLY reason we all go to these things? Lol.

Here are a few photos:

                                             This picture cracks me up!

Those are the good photos, on to the juicy ones (I only managed to get 2):
 This girl was on the dance floor pretty much the whole night and almost showed her butt a number of times:
 This girl happened to make this pose the second I took this picture of her. Thanks for further proving my                                     point! Ps, we really didn't want to see your butt.

Sadly, these two girls weren't even the worst but I kept getting sidetracked. Though the girl in the 2nd picture is PRETTY BAD.

On to the finer things in life. 
I took this picture of these roses in front of our house THREE days ago. Virginia makes it really hard to be sad about not having snow on Christmas when it's been in the 70's the past 2 days and in the 60's today.
 Yesterday my sister sent me this picture and it warmed my heart. It's my nephew, his wife, my great niece and my 2 great nephews in front of my parents Christmas tree. I love it and I wish I could be there.
 I got my hair dyed yesterday as well. Before this, it was a pretty brassy blonde and I kind of hated it. I'm so happy with how it turned out. I thought for sure my hair was gonna be a mess based on how it looked when the dye was still in it. I was kind of really freaking out for a bit and decided I would just go back to red if it was horrible. Luckily, it turned out like this and I don't have to worry about getting it dyed again for a while!
 Lastly, I saw this shirt at the NEX and I had to take it home! How adorable is it? I love me some Hello Kitty!
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a super blessed New Year! Be on the look out for my post about our Ugly sweater Christmas party! It's gonna be hilarious, I already know =)


The (non existent) hangover

I was laying in bed thinking about what I was going to write today about my hangover but I don't have one which is quite the miracle. Things have been better lately but I don't want to jinx myself. They always seem to get better then I start my period and they are horrid all over again.

I went to the doctor finally due to the pain I have been having in my back for the past month almost and found out what I suspected to be true, I pulled a muscle. Of course that muscle happens to be in a bad place for healing. The doctor prescribed me Naproxen for it but since we are TTC, I am not allowed to take it unless I start next month so we bought a heating pad and I have been taking tylenol as much as is allowed. 

A strange thing started happening last time I was pregnant and it has kind of started happening again. I was constantly leaving my wristlet in the car and I have started to do that again. In the past week I have done it 3 times. I'm not going to say "OMG I am pregnant!!!" but it's just something that sparks my curiousity. 

Lastly, Ryan and I decided to exchange 1 stocking stuffer gift 2 days ago. He went first and opened Skip-Bo. I got it for him/us because he said he had never played it and we love playing games, board or card. Little did I know, my husband is still just as sneaky as he was when we got engaged. 
     I opened this:

This, my friends, is a DIAMOND Hello Kitty ring. If you know me, you know I am a HUGE Hello Kitty fan. My husband really, truly loves me.


Right now...

(Stolen from Goodnight Moon)
i am....

watching: The computer screen and American Pickers.

eating: Nothing yet but I am definately about to make some spinache and parmesian noodles yummmmm.

drinking: Nothing yet. I will be having Diet Cherry Pepsi with lunch.

wearing: A navy blue tank top, black pj pants and my Hello Kitty boot slippers =)

avoiding: Cleaning the mess Ryan and I made while rearranging the hall closet.

feeling: Alright. Wishing my back didn't start hurting again just now though.

missing: Ryan and my family.

thankful: Ryan is only on duty and not on another underway. Also that I have amazing friends, an amazing family and a wonderful husband.

weather: 53 degrees and no rain which makes me super happy!

needing: To clean and for my back to stop hurting. Also, to eat lol.

thinking: That I can't wait to finish typing this so I can go make lunch hahahaha.

loving: That I got to spend the whole weekend with Ryan =)


I know I am calling my husband out...

But it's in a good way and I really hope it doesn't upset him that I put this on here but it really took the weight of the world off of me. He wrote this in an email to me last night:
"Anyway, back to the I miss you part. I really do. And I really don't know why I've been acting the way I've been acting. I think it's actually a bunch of things really. In between getting screwed over here and then the same thing that's been bugging you. I don't think it bothers me in the same way, but I think it does still bother me. I've been thinking about it the last few days since you mentioned it. So, I want you to know that you're not alone. Mine is just more anger towards the situation. Not at YOU, don't think I'm angry with you for what happened. I am NOT. But I do feel as it was very unfair, as I know you feel the same, and I've just been lying to myself. Not that it doesn't bother me or that it was okay, but more of I just wasn't thinking about it and trying to act like nothing happened. I think now that I realize this, and that we both are still affected by it, that we definitely need to be closer to eachother now more than ever."

It really made my day and made me feel better just reading that. Now I just need him to get home so  I can hug him really hard and smile a genuine smile again.


Toddlers and Tiaras: How do you feel about it?

Honestly, it's my sick obsession when I actually catch it on. For 2 reasons: 1. I like to talk crap about the moms in my head when I see these little girls and what they do to them for them to win. 2. I don't really know what number 2 is but WHY is this show so addicting?

What seriously happened to a beautiful little girl winning these competitions without fake eye lashes, spray tan, fake teeth and fake hair? I once was a little model myself and my mom didn't do anything except curl my hair and MAYBE a little makeup. Not bragging, just saying. How can these people seriously judge a little girl based on how fake everything about her is? And how can these mothers and fathers be okay with that?! To me it just tells these little girls (and boys) that it's okay to be fake. Bullsh*t. Also, there was a little girl on here with... Fake boobs! Seriously?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! THAT I can't get over. How can you stuff your little girls dress to make her look like she has boobs. Disgusting.

I could ramble on and on about why I hate what this show represents but in all seriousness, I can't turn it off right now. Someone come take the remote from my wine infested self please and change the channel.

I know

I kind of just snapped the other day. Today I feel better but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Truth be told, this is how I have felt for the last 3 months. One day I will be fine, everything will be fine, then everything will be horrible and I will hate myself again. I am really just super sick of feeling this way. I know it is a healing process but why haven't I healed yet? Why is it so hard to get over losing a baby I never even had? I guess to answer my own question that would be because it was real. My husband and I created life. That life didn't survive in MY womb. It's hard to not blame myself when our baby died inside of ME. One thing I really hated was them calling it a spontaneous abortion. For someone being so against abortion, my body aborted the baby? I thought an abortion was something done purposely to get rid of a baby? At least the er called it a spontaneous miscarriage. I just feel like that is a disgusting thing to call a miscarriage. I did NOT have a freaking abortion.

Friday is the ships Christmas party and I am really looking forward to that. Really hoping we win some kind of awesome prize. The music and a couple drinks should take my mind off the craziness that has been my life lately. Have I recently mentioned how much I can't wait for March when Ryan goes on shore? Yeah

On another note, my back has been hurting for a week and a half and I am about at the end of my rope with that. I want it to just get better so I don't have to go to the dr.


I have been lying to myself for far too long

And now that I finally told my husband how I have been feeling since the miscarriage, maybe I should just get it all out there. I'm not okay. I'm STILL not okay. I feel ugly and I feel worthless and I feel REALLY stupid for feeling this way because I had a miscarriage. I haven't healed yet. I STILL miss our baby. I STILL cry when I see pictures of the ever growing baby bumps on the girls I was pregnant with. I STILL feel like it was my fault even though I KNOW it wasn't. This is the most complicated and terrifying thing I have ever been through. Every time I feel like I am getting better, I start my period and these feelings just intensify. As a matter of fact I had a total mental breakdown on Ryan last night. It felt good to get it out but again, I felt absolutely stupid. Not to mention Ryan knew he couldn't do anything to make it go away so all he could do is hold me and tell me that it wasn't my fault. It made me feel even worse knowing he knows he can't make me feel differently because I am an idiot and I didn't tell anyone how I was feeling and just went through it alone hoping and praying that it would get better and/or just go away. I long for peace of mind and some days I don't think I will get it until I have a healthy baby laying in my arms.

After starting my period this month, I decided I wasn't going to say we are trying anymore. If it happens, it happens. I can't deal with feeling this way month after month after month. It's KILLING me.


Warning: Extreme Adult content! 18+ only!

I have decided to post for EdenFantasys again. I hope to get something cute to wear in the bedroom so if you are about to be offended, don't read this blog. If you are interested in awesome stuff (and awesome sex toys, read on!

EdenFantasys has some seriously amazing stuff. I fell in love with them a few months ago and have a few things from them that I adore. One of which scares me so I don't use it too often (mucho grande!!!) hahaha.

So, I am very interested in a few items to spice up the bedroom.
1: this sex toy. What could possibly be more fun then having your husband be in charge of the amount of intensity you are getting? Could get annoying knowing my husband but I think I could handle it ;) So that would be the only toy I am interested in right now. We got the rest covered.

2: this babydoll. Okay so how cute and sexy is this at the same time? I would just love to surprise my husband with this when he gets out of the shower one night! It's really flirty and says "take me now!" at the same time! I want it.

3: this shirt. I hadn't even realized that EdenFantasys sold shirts. Guess I was too busy in other sections ;) Anyway, it's really cute and the cake topper is, it comes with the belt! I even love the color!

And last but not least: this lace panel gown. Not only is it sexy, but it also looks crazy comfy! I have been wanting a gown for a long time but have never gotten one. I have a feeling my husband would appreciate me owning this as much as I would lol.

The last time I blogged about EdenFantasys I had a couple people quit following me and even disliked my blog post. I do understand that some people don't want to read about this but THAT is why I warn you guys. Please keep in mind that I don't do this often and be understanding that all I'm looking to do is help the people that DO enjoy stuff like this.

Photo Card


Oh lookie! A song!

Hahaha. This song makes me want to dance and laugh and be happy every time I hear it. I can't help but sing in a loud and rediculous voice while the chorus is playing. Flo Rida, you have done it for me once again. You can go link up with YOUR song as well on Goodnight Moon's page! So, go do it!


Tis the season!

If you would have asked me last year I would have said bah humbug about decorating for Christmas. This year is a whole nother story. Last year Ryan was deployed. This year we put the tree up together and decorated the house inside and out. I am totally loving it! We even get the chance to go to the Christmas ball for his ship together and I so cant wait! I bought my dress 2 weeks ago and I am really excited to be able to share that post withyou when the time comes :) In the meantime, here are pictures of our decorating for our very first Christmas together!


I am so in love with B4A

And I have wanted one of their bracelets for quite some time. Wouldn't you know Christina @ The Journey of a Navy Wife is doing a giveaway! The prize? This Pearl Harbor tribute bracelet: http://www.nicanorphotography.com//~stores/361887_preview.jpg

I have loved what Bands for Arms did for a long time. They post this right on their store site: B4A is a family business, supporting our US Military Sailors, Marines, Airmen, Soldiers, and Coast Guard.
B4A supports The USO Japan, Project Lifting Spirits, The National WWII Museum, and The Marine Corps Toys For Tots Foundation. 

They have donated money to the troops ever since the beginning! Go check them out!: http://ourb4astore.com/index.html and go check out Christinas contest!


I am so excited!!

Kelsey at Bear at Sea is in the middle of making me an adorable new layout and I am super stoked! You guys really should go check out her page. She is a really sweet, adorable girl and her blog is worth reading. I hope you will trust me and go check her out! All you have to do is click here: Bear at Sea

Anywho, hubby is underway and I am spending the time he is away with one of my besties, Kristen. Her hubby is away right now too so we figured why be alone? I'm not sure and I really hope it's not the case but I feel like I might be coming down with something yucky. I hope not, cuz I don't want to get her sick.

I may have gotten my dress for the ships Christmas ball. Depends on whether the hubby likes it well enough. I feel a little worried about it because I have never worn anything like it. It is really mature and classy so I feel mildly old in it. In actuality, if I wear it I will be dressing my age. We will see.



Warning: This is going to be one of those mushy, crazy in love posts. This is our story:

When I first met Ryan almost 4 years ago, he didn't say one word to me except for when I asked what kind of phone he had. It was quite shocking since we were at my friends house and only 4 other people were there for hours. I just figured, whatev.

Shortly later I started dating his roommate. A month or so later, I was living with them. I packed up and moved the Virginia from Indiana to be with this guy that ended up being the biggest jerk on earth. Anyway, Ryan and I became really good friends over the year that I lived with them. We watched tv shows together and did a lot of stuff together. Trust me when I say I never expected our friendship to end up this way.

One night, he even let me cry on his shoulder when I found out my bf had went on a date with another girl on a night he said he was "going out with the guys". I was crushed. I packed all my stuff and was ready to move back to Indiana. My bf at the time cried and begged me to stay so I did. A couple months later him and Ryan deployed (they were on the same ship). I had a feeling my bf wouldn't stay faithful and I cried and cried on the pier while watching them leave. Ryan said he even teared up watching me.

My gut was right and I broke up with my bf and 2 weeks later moved back to Indiana. Of course that whole time Ryan and I stayed in contact via email and the occasional overseas phone call. The night the ship got back from deployment, Ryan got super drunk and spilled his guts to me. He told me he loved me and always has, even when I was with the ex. Did I mention Ryan stopped being friends with my ex after he cheated on me? Yeah. I just laughed it off at the time because we were such good friends and he was so drunk that I didn't know if he had a clue what he really felt. Turns out he totally knew.

He came to Indiana where his family also happens to live and I was going to move back to Virginia with him as friends a couple days later when he went back. We went out with a couple of my friends and after we left the bar we stopped to get food at McDonalds. Let me say first that I had never made the first move but sparks were flying and Ryan wasn't going to so I did. I planted a kiss on him in the drive thru. It was epic lol. Then we went to my friends house and stayed up until like 5 am. Then we had to wake up around 6:30 am because Ryan needed to get his car checked out. So, lacking sleep, we went to his mom and dads and then to the mechanic.

Fast forward 3 days and we are on our way back to Virginia. We were just inside of Kentucky when Ryan said "I can't take this anymore" and pulled into a rest stop. I was like "hmm he must have to pee" (LOL). He pulled all the way around and parked where there were no other cars then looked at me and planted an extra passionate, fully sober kiss on me. Then he said "Will you go steady with me?" and OMG did I ever smile. It took me a minute to answer because I was so scared of losing the amazing friendship we had but in the end I said yes. The rest of the way to Virginia we held hands and I smiled on and off the whole trip. These were the songs that came on back to back after we left the rest stop and they have held a special place in my heart ever since:

5 months later this happened:

2 months after that, this happened:

2 weeks later I said "see you later" to him as I watched the ship leave the pier for deployment with a very heavy heart and bearly fighting back tears.

6 months later was the happiest day of my life and I never even shared all the amazing shots my photographer took, so here some of them are!

 This one was important to me because it was devastating to me when they took the stairs                                 away on D Day. Watching them put them back took the weight of the world off my shoulders!

                       My "Where is my husband?! Everyone else is off the ship already!" picture lol.

We might live our life like this last song far too often BUT he is so much more then worth it <3