No more mental breakdowns...

For now, at least. I am trying so hard to be chill and just let this pregnancy do it's thing, but I just turn into a hormonal worry wart sometimes. Try as I might, when the worrying starts, it would take moving a mountain to get it to stop. I just freak out because I have all these symptoms and some days I feel them really bad but some days I don't really feel them at all and that's when I freak out.

The miscarriage I had was a missed miscarriage. Yes, there is such a thing as MISSING your miscarriage. Basically, the baby died but I showed ZERO symptoms and still had all the wacky hormones so I still showed the pregnancy symptoms I had been showing. Our baby died at 7 weeks and 1 day but I didn't show ANY symptoms of miscarriage until I was 11 weeks and 4 days. Then even after waiting 5 more days, I just spotted. The baby wouldn't come on it's own. I literally felt little contractions. It was the worst thing ever.

That is why I get so freaked out during this pregnancy. I worry that something will happen and I wont know and I will go on the next few weeks being happy that I'm pregnant for no reason. I'm scared to become a casket again. I have deep fears because of that first pregnancy but above all, I just want a healthy baby at the end of May.

Just, help me Lord. Please help me through this. Please bless us with the baby. And please help me find some peace.

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