The Loss Mother

I hate that title but it's the sad hard truth. We all know someone who has lost a child in some way, shape or form. Give her a hug. If she openly expresses pain, she just might need it. Even a year and a half after she lost the child she lost.

In the wake of the most beautiful thing in the world stands the due date of our first baby. I can't believe how long it's been and I can't believe we should have an almost 1 year old toddling around this house. The pain doesn't go away, it eases up a little but the pain is always there. I love and miss you so much, Baby D, and I know you are watching over your little sister from Heaven and always will.

On this day, our first baby was to be born.


Dear Abriella Jane,

I sit here staring at my belly and I am in awe of you. You are amazing in so many ways. I can't believe you can make my stomach move so much with your tiny limbs/body.

I have found myself growing more and more impatient. I long to hold you in my arms. I need to touch you. The need to touch you is so strong that sometimes I just can't even handle it. It makes me want to cry and oh, could I cry.

I sit here thinking about what to say and my head is so full of things I want to say that I just can't form one sentence that makes sense most times. I daydream about you holding my pinkie finger, playing with your tiny little feet, making raspberries on your belly. Even though we have pictures of what you look like, I find myself dreaming about what you look like. In every dream I have, you have gorgeous dark hair. That would be just fine with me.

As I sit here and write this to you, I know I will never be able to adequately spill my guts to you. You will never know how much I really love you. I just hope you feel it and that you love me the same. I hope I can be everything you deserve because you deserve nothing but the best.

I love you so much, Abby.


Meet Abriella Jane

Sorry if the title throws everyone off! I have NOT had her yet. BUT I do have some seriously amazing 4d images of her!!! She looks a lot like her daddy in them.

Without further ado, here is our beautiful baby girl:
So sleepy!!!
 One foot on one cheek, one on the other! And smiling!

 My favorite. I think this shows what she looks like best :)

 Her daddy's lips

 With her foot in her face, lol.
 Om nom nom!!!
 150 BPM
 Squishing her face against the placenta
 Foot in face again
I love these so so so much. I hope you all love them too! I can't wait to have her and see how similar the pictures are :)


29 week photo shoot

My mom and dad were in town for a few days and they did my 29 week photo shoot with Ryan, Mocha and I. I absolutely adore the pictures. It's so nice to have these memories.


Updates in photos!

It's come that time again! I have lots of updates :D

First thing's first, I hit 28 weeks!
Next, I got these super cute glasses that I have had my eyes on for a while!
Found these... They are outfits my mom got for my previous pregnancy.It was nice to find some things Abriella could use but it was also very saddening.
I already had a diaper bag made out of Ryan's NWU's but, seriously, who could pass this up?

I hit 29 weeks!
My parents came to visit and we did a photoshoot. But that is for another post <3 br="">
We got the back up stroller
 We got the car seat and stroller combo and I adore it!
Noticed this craziness! Abby was very obviously on the right side of my belly!
And finally, my rings started fitting too snugly today


Guest post: First Trimester Woes

I got pregnant on R&R. It wasn't really the plan, but it wasn't
NOT the plan. I took a test the night before my birthday, just over a
week since he had went back to Iraq, and it came up positive. On the
morning of my 24th birthday, I got a blood test done, just to be sure
and yep... I was pregnant!

Whoa. I'm pretty sure for two weeks I was thrown into a panic. Not
really a oh-my-god-what-happened panic, but yes... pretty much that.
This baby was very much wanted, but suddenly I was pregnant and there
was no going back!

I found out I was pregnant early, at four weeks. I couldn't even have
a first appointment until six weeks, and that was just a paperwork
appointment. I didn't have a full-on doctor's appointment until 12
weeks! And this impatient girl could hardly handle it.

I think the worst part of the first trimester was that hardly anyone
knew I was pregnant. I'm superstitious, so I kept the news to myself,
my husband, a couple very close friends, and my mom and sisters.

No one knew at work, except my boss. I was sooo tired, sooo grumpy,
and sooo hungry. I brushed it off as "end of deployment woes" and
ignored any questions about possible pregnancy. Once, a customer must
have said the wrong thing because I burst into tears. I asked my boss
if I could go home then - it just wasn't a good day hormone-wise!

No one really talks about that first trimester because it's sickness
and hormones and adjustment, and so many people keep their news
secret. The first trimester has got to be the hardest, though. You're
just tired, you don't feel good, and you aren't even showing that
you're pregnant yet! And worst for me, my husband was on the other
side of the world while I had to fend for myself.

Luckily, he came back when I was 15 weeks along, just barely showing.
It was a great reunion and he was able to be there for the rest of the
pregnancy, every appointment, and of course, the birth of our
beautiful girl, Penny.

Thanks, Chantal! Loved the post and could definitely relate!

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