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Ya know...

Ryan and I were talking tonight about what I am going to do when he deploys. Am I going to go back to Indiana and be with my family while dealing with the big D word? Orrrrrrrrrr, am I going to stay here and try to take this on, on my own, like a big girl? Truth is, I really don't know quite yet. It just seems like life would be easier if I go back to Indiana. This is my lst of pros and cons:

Pros of going to Indiana:

See my family for 6 months straight. I haven't seen them in over 5 months now so it would be really nice.
Have a shoulder to cry on whenever I need it.
Not have to worry about money issues because if I need help I will have tons of people right there to help me.
Not having to worry as much about my health because if for some reason I need medical it will be easier to get what I need there.

Cons of going to Indiana:

Leaving Virginia to go back to the cold weather.
Leaving everything I have here.
Having to pack all my stuff as though I am moving again because I basically would be.
Having to pack up and move all that stuff right back here when Ryan returns.
Not feeling as close to Ryan as I do when I am here.
Not being near my best friend anymore.

Pros of staying in Virginia:

Getting to see my best friend whenever we have the time.
Having the feeling of closeness to Ryan that I will so desperately need.
Possibly being able to persue some sort of higher education if I can really figure out what it is I want to do with my life.
Being able to get a job that I wont have to quit in 6 months after starting it.

Cons of staying in Virginia:

Not being able to see my family when I really feel like I need them.
Being here alone without Ryan.
Worrying about anything that could possibly arise medically and not knowing what to do when I dont have insurance.
Worrying about money and how I am going to get help if I need it.
Missing Ryan terribly and not always having that shoulder to cry on when I need it.
Not having the support I will need.

I can't really think of anything else right now I just know some of the cons outweigh the pros and vice versa. I just dont really know what to do at this point. I guess my choice would be a lot simpler if I werent "single" but you know, I'm okay with not being married right now because I don't want either of us to rush into anything. I want us to get married because we love eachother and want to spend the rest of our lives together, not because I need insurance and more support and it would give us more money. I really feel like I could use a few words of advice right now.

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