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The TTC saga:

*disclaimer* This post is going to have TMI so if you have a problem with knowing what my period is doing this month, don't read it *disclaimer*

It would appear as though the D and C has got me again. On the 22nd I started lightly spotting pink. Being a female, I assumed Aunt Flow was heading my way. I was wrong(?). That spotting continued for 2 more days. The day before yesterday it turned a red/redbrown color but still bearly touched the pad. WTH?! I decided I had had enough and called to make an appointment with my doctor yesterday morning and they got me in at 1.

Doc thought I was either pregnant or the D and C was messing with me. He sent me to the lab to get a pregnancy test. Since they drew blood to make sure I was pregnant last time I figured they would do the same this time so I went to the bathroom before going into the lab. Big mistake. When I went into the lab, they handed me a cup to pee in! GRRRR. I told them I didn't have to pee and they sent the cup home with me and said I could bring it back. It's a 20 minute drive there so I decided to say screw their lab and Ryan and I bought tests last night. I took one and it was negative.

I had a feeling it was going to be negative but I had a sliver of hope that I was pregnant. I don't know why I do that to myself. Month after month, I wait for AF to come. Month after month, she comes. Month after month, my sliver of hope grows thinner and thinner. Now this? I am just about to give up.


Samantha said...

B--I've found that, often times, things will only work when you've stopped trying to make them work. Being patient and trusting in Him means not worrying about WHEN or IF God will bless you. Don't forget that this also means not being angry or sad, not being spiteful when your friends wind up expecting, and not dwelling on what could have been. Know that He knows what's best for you, even if you can't see it yet.

Only you have the power to control your thoughts. Lean on Him and He will carry your burden!

<3 S

KrippledWarrior said...

It ain't like buying lottery tickets, where you play against the odds. It's about love. My wife and I "TRIED" for 5 years. Then one day it happened...

Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

My sister is in the same boat you are in...sending hugs your way!!

Jamie said...

:( I'm sorry, I know much seeing that negative hurts.

Have you guys tried Preseed? You can buy it in Walgreens and I've heard a lot of women on the TTC boards I go to swear by it!

This month we'll be officially TTC- but we'll be using Clomid and Preseed, so hopefully we see results!

Elizabeth, The Young Retiree said...

Oh hon- I just wrote a very heartbreaking post as well about the negatives. It is the hardest think to hear and think "in God's timing". I wish there were something I could say to help provide comfort other than I am here if you ever need an ear. The journey is not for the faint of heart- and you are a strong woman!

Courtney said...

I haven't been here much so I'm not sure how much you two are trying, but it's true when you stop worrying about it so much it seems to happen. That's when I got preggers with my hubby. However, it's been three years since we lost it so w choose to see a specialist for it last year. Come to find out I need at least a laparscopy to fix my tubes. And insurance pays a huge chunk of it. So it might be a good idea to check it out. I'm not thirty yet, but it's around the corner and I'm not deterring any younger. :) Anyways I'm glad I went, and even if we decided to do nothing, I got answers, and I'm glad I didn't wait several more years. Praying for you sweetie!