The most beautiful thing

To a mother, there is nothing more amazing, precious and beautiful than her baby. This sweet little baby who knows nothing short of complete adoration for his/her parents.

I don't like being away from my baby, ever. End of story. It has been 4 months since I have brought this wonderful creature into existence and I want to hold her all the time. I even want to sleep with her in my arms. She is everything to me. My beloved. There is nothing more amazing, precious and beautiful. She coos, talks, rolls, smiles and laughs. Yet those are just a few of the reasons she is amazing.

I sat here and tried so hard to write out that she makes me sad and mad and tests my patience time and time again but even when I think back on the times she woke up once every hour or the times she cried and cried and wouldn't stop, she never made me mad or sad and though she does test my patience, I have never been impatient with her.

I think I was born to be a mother. I love being a mother. It is my job and I WILL BE great at it. I will always prefer the way I parent over the way others parent unless they parent the same way I do and that is my right as a parent. I will do my best to not judge others for the way they parent because I don't know their story and even though sometimes I look at someone who is just letting their baby cry and trying to give it a pacifier and I think to myself "Pick that baby up!!!" I also have to think that maybe she just can't right now. Being a parent is hard work and we all need a moment from time to time.

This is my baby. There are many like her (except she's one of a kind) but this one is mine.

Nursing in Public

My friends know me as a frequent "NIPer". Ever since I had Abby, I knew I would nurse in public. At first I figured I would use a cover but I soon realized that was not for us. I didn't want to cover my baby in the heat of the Summer while she ate. It felt so wrong to me. So I finally told my husband that I would no longer cover Abby while feeding her in public.

And so our NIP journey began. Here are a few of my favorites :) Enjoy!

This is the FIRST time I NIPed:

Abby was 2 weeks old. And this was one of the last times I wore a cover while doing it.

This was the best place I NIPed for a while, the commissary! It was also the first time I got photo evidence of myself NIPing with no cover. I felt empowered.

Next favorite place is on the base beach! We went there for a while on Labor Day after cooking out. Abby needed a Labor Day meal too!

Then came the Atlantic Ocean. This is one of my favorites because I just think the picture is beautiful.

And last but not least, today's! Ryan got LASIK and we weren't allowed to be in the waiting room because Abby is a baby so we walked around the hospital until little miss got hungry. I chose probably the busiest place in the whole hospital to feed her but I didn't really have anywhere else to sit. We sat in the pharmacy waiting area! Go us! Countless people passed as Abby feasted and not one word was said! I'm lucky enough (or should I say PEOPLE are lucky enough) to have never been told to nurse my baby somewhere else or anything like that (so far, and God help anyone that utters those words to me). I am so proud of our journey so far. We have made it 4 months and counting!!!

Speaking of 4 months and counting, look at this little girl! She turned 4 months old yesterday! She is 27 3/4 inches long and 18.82 lbs!!! Insane, right?! She is in the 99 percentile for height and weight and her head is 59 percentile. The child is the size of a 1 year old, y'all.  She is my world.

This is what I believe

These are my beliefs, there are many like them, but these are mine.

I believe every baby deserves breastmilk.

I believe co-sleeping is best for a baby.

I believe there is nothing wrong with a breastfed baby refusing a bottle or pacifier.

I believe letting a baby cry it out is mean and cruel.

I believe in cloth diapering.

I believe in the "attachment" way.

I believe in the "crunchy" way (for the most part).

I believe people that don't try to breastfeed because they don't want to are selfish.

I believe people that judge women breastfeeding in public are ridiculous and disgusting.

I believe in babywearing.

I also believe my baby needs time to herself.

However, I hold her way more than she is alone because I believe she deserves lots of attention. I also love holding her :)

I believe that moms who have more milk than they need should give to those who don't have enough.

I believe that no matter what I believe, you will have your own beliefs and I will probably not change your mind.

I'm not trying to force my beliefs on anyone. They are mine and mine alone. 

Friends

It's been a while now since I have written about something other than Abby. This is something I have kind of needed to write about for a while, but I have never thought to.

Friends. Or... "friends". My husband and I have been struggling to figure out if we really have any friends lately or if they are all just "friends". Personally, the friends I need here are the ones that like to get together and/or at least talk on a regular basis even if just through text or facebook. I have a lot of friends that don't live around me and I talk to them often. What I don't really have are friends that live near by and hang out often. I used to, but life happened I guess. I am always capable of hanging out and talking to people. I do my best to keep into contact with my friends even though I am a new mommy and life can get really hectic.

You know what I have a lot of? "Friends". And I have recently been weaning myself off of them.

I have a friend who used to text me all the time and we used to make it a point to hang out at least once a week but now I'm lucky to get a reply to the many many texts I send first. I'm lucky to hang out with this friend once a month. It literally breaks my heart. All of the people I was friends with before Abby was born have dwindled down to 2. At least those 2 have stuck around.

I know I seem like I am just whining but what gives?! Why has everyone else changed when the only thing that has changed about me is now I have a baby? I can still do everything I did before. It just isn't fair.

11 weeks

Well, here we are at week 11. Time is certainly flying. Abriella never ceases to amaze me. She weighed 15 lbs 5.5 oz, was 24 3/4 inches tall and had a 15 3/4 inch heads on Tuesday at her "2 month" check up (which was actually 2 1/2 month). She's in the 99th percentile for height and weight and 66th for head. She scooted twice when the dr put her on her belly and the dr said her muscle strength exceeds her age! She coo's, laughs and smiles all the time! She's my sweet, happy princess! 

Smiling yesterday morning!

 Shot day smiles

 11 week pics!

 Breastfeeding at the commissary!

 Smiles at 9 1/2 weeks old!

 10 week picture!

 Loving her bumbo at 9 weeks and 6 days old!

 Morning stretches at 9 weeks 6 days!

I WILL blog!

Though Abby has decided that not only am I her source of food and comfort, I am also her bed, I WILL blog at least once a month.

She has grown so much, it's insane. It's been 21 days since the last blog and Abby has gained  over 2 lbs. She weighs almost 13 lbs and is 23 1/2 inches long. SHe's my chunky, EXCLUSIVELY BREAST FED baby! I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee her!

We are going to Indiana tomorrow morning and Abby will meet the rest of her family, FINALLY. The only people she has met in the family is my mom and dad. I can't wait for everyone to meet her. They are going to love her so much.

Saturday is my cousins wedding so that will be a good place for Abby to meet my moms side of the family all in one place. Sunday, Ryan's mom is throwing a baby shower of sorts where Ryan's side of the family will meet Abby :)

I haven't gotten the chance to tell you all, but, I have lost 31 lbs! I was 184 before pregnancy, 194 the day I came home from the hospital after having Abby and I am now 163! ALL from breast feeding! And maybe wearing and walking. I'm obsessed with baby wearing. Anyway, I am pre pregnancy, after having Abby and now!

Technically I was pregnant here but I didn't know. I was only 2-3 weeks along so I wouldn't have been showing at all or anything. I was in the middle of working out and losing weight and this was after I had lost 2 inches and 10 lbs. 2 weeks later i found out I was pregnant.

Here I am at 2 days post partum

Anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd today!!!

Just for fun, 40 weeks and 1 day, heading to be induced. I was HUGEEEEEEE.

And lastly, wearing the same outfit last Wednesday

Andddddd Abriella 2 days ago and this morning. I loveeeeeeeeeeeee how she sleeps! And, yes, we co-sleep :)

Life as of late

Well, I can promise you that as I write this I will either be about to hold a baby or I will be holding a baby. Lil miss wont let me put her down for long. We had a rough night last night. She woke up once every 2 hours and was pretty fussy but otherwise, I just love having her in my life! Our family is complete and I couldn't ask for more.


Here she is now! 1 month old :)

Round 1 of pictures: Fighting an infection during labor

I don't think I need to say anything because the pictures speak for themselves but I think this one specifically is breathtaking. I was running 103.4 fever and you can see the concern in Ryan's face. It was a very scary time for everyone, but especially us.

May 30, 2013

Yes, she is here. Yes, she is perfect and beautiful. Was my pregnancy and birth complicated? YES. I wrote the whole story out last night and it somehow was deleted. It took a lot out of me to have all that hard work deleted so I pray it doesn't happen again.

At 40 weeks and 1 day, at 9 am, I was induced. I got to the hospital at 5 am with happy thoughts and high hopes. I couldn't wait to meet my baby girl and I figured I would be meeting her later that day or into the night around 10 pm at the latest! My husband, mom and dad were all with me right away. None of us had slept very well so we were all falling asleep on and off in the beginning. Finally, at 9 pm, they inserted a foley bulb into my cervix and started me on the pitocin. I started having contractions right away. I dilated to a 3 in about half an hour with the help of the foley bulb. I called the nurse in to please give me something for the horrible pain the foley bulb was causing (it felt like a constant painful contraction) so she checked it and it was about to come out! She left the room to let someone know that it was about to come out and I gagged 4 times from the pain while she was away. On the forth gag, it popped out and I felt immediate relief. The nurse asked me if I still wanted pain meds and I said no.

About half an hour later they checked me and broke my water. I supposed that's when "labor" started but I start it at 9 am because that's when I started having contractions and a lot of pain.

Anyway, most of it was a blur, to be honest. I have no clue how much time went by between 3 cm and 4 cm. Then from 4 cm to almost 6 cm. Then from 6 cm to 8 cm. I can tell you that it was over 24 hours... That's not even the most wild part...

Because I progressed so slowly and they checked me so often (once every 2ish hours) I ended up with an infection called chorioamnionitis. I was shivering a lot and I thought I may have a fever but my mom thought it may have been from the epidural. They checked my temperature and I had a low grade fever of 99.7 so they started keeping an eye on me. Next time they checked, it was higher, then next time, even higher, then next time, much higher. As far as we know my temperature reached 103.4. I was shaking so violently that I thought I would just die. My heart rate stayed around 150 and Abriella's stayed between 190 and 210. I could cry right now thinking about it. My baby was in distress because I had an infection. They started me on antibiotics and started talking c section. I finally had myself mentally prepared for the c section when they came in and took my temperature and it was dropping. Abby's heart rate was still around 190-200 but the dr decided to wait to see if we could get mine and Abby's heart rates to go down. Once Abby's was only staying around 180-190 they started talking about putting me back on pitocin. We didn't feel comfortable starting my contractions back up so we refused the pitocin. They put me on oxygen and our heart rates started going down! FINALLY! After 2 or more horribly scary hours, things were getting better!!! Once Abby's heart rate dropped down to the 150's-160's we felt comfortable with starting the pitocin back up.

I wasn't having very hard contractions so none of us expected me to have dilated at all the next time they checked me. I had been ALMOST 6 cm for hours upon hours. When the delivering dr came in and checked me, I was 8 cm and 95% effaced!!! And of course I just got goosebumps and teared up thinking about it. The long, hard road was almost over!! The dr told me she would come back in half an hour to an hour and we would start pushing! The biggest sense of relief came over me. It probably came over everyone in the room. 45 minutes later, the dr came in, checked me and had the nurse "practice" push with me. I really was pushing though. I got Abby through the birth canal in about an hour and she was crowning. The dr then came in to deliver her. About half an hour later, Abby was in the world and screaming her little cone shaped head off.

The things I didn't mention in that paragraph were these: She was sideways in the canal for a bit before she started turning the right way and that's why she had a cone head. Also, we had a big scare. She suffered shoulder dystocia. I didn't get to hold her immediately after she was born because they had to make sure she was ok. Ryan stayed by my side until I told him to go be with her. I was bawling from the moment her head came out until the moment they finally gave her to me. They let me hold her for a few minutes after checking her shoulder and vitals but they had to take her away because she had a fever and had caught an infection because of mine (again with the weepy eyes). Knowing she was sick and she was brand new was the absolute scariest time of my life aside from being so sick while I had the infection. They finally brought her back to me about 20 minutes or so later. She had an IV in her arm because she needed to get antibiotics for the infection. Her temperature was down and she got to stay in the room with me. I held her until Ryan got back with my food. Then I gave her to him so he could finally hold our baby girl. Then we finally shared her with my mom and dad.

2 days later we got to go home. Abby was fine, I was fine. She latched to my breast immediately when they brought her in to me and continued doing so (until my milk came in that is. But that is a story for another day).

Without further ado, here is our princess, Abriella Jane. 8 lbs 10 oz and 22 1/4 inches long:

And here she is now at 8 lbs 6 oz:

She is our world. There are a lot more pictures to come, but that is also for another day. I can't believe this tiny miracle I hold in my arms. She is truly amazing.

Oh, do I have a story for you!

I haven't been saying a whole lot lately. Like I said in the last post, I am on auto pilot. I am currently 39 weeks, day 4 and no sign of laboring on my own. My mom has been here for almost 3 weeks now because I was 70% effaced and she thought I would go into labor at any moment. Boy, did I prove her wrong or what?

Ok, so, story time.

For the last month, I have been feeling like something is wrong with my blood pressure. I start to feel pressure in my head along with headaches, my arms get red and splotchy, my chest gets red, my ankles and feet have suddenly had more swelling and I just don't feel right when I have these episodes. The first time it happened, I felt really fuzzy in my head so I went to Walmart and took my blood pressure and it was up so Ryan and I went to labor and delivery where it had lowered and I was sent home with no explanation of why it may have been up, nor did they have any proof that it had ever been up. So, I just looked like a crazy pregnant person. Well, a few more days - a week went by and I had been feeling this way on and off the whole time. One day I was feeling that same feeling so my mom and I went to Walgreens where the pharmacist takes your blood pressure with an actual cuff and it was 139/97!!! They don't want the top number to go over 140 and bottom number to go over 90 so we came back home real quick then went to labor and delivery again where, of course (an hour or longer after it had been high) it had gone down, AGAIN. So, I looked like a crazy pregnant woman, AGAIN.

I then decided I wouldn't go in anymore with the issue because clearly they would never catch it. That same week I went to see the midwife (not my regular OB because he wasn't available) and I mentioned how my blood pressure had been acting up and I was once again dismissed because there was no proof that I wasn't crazy.

Fast forward to my appointment with my actual OB and I bring it up. He decides to test me for pre eclampsia. After them taking blood and me bringing in a jug of urine that I had to collect over a 24 hour period, I got news that all was fine, so I was dismissed again. Apparently high blood pressure doesn't matter as long as you don't have pre e? Well, I went to the midwife again this past week for my 39 week check up and guess what?? MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS HIGH!!! 144/97! They even took it again 10 minutes later after I had rested and it was still high! She sent me to Labor and Delivery saying that she saw no reason why they wouldn't induce me. I started to get really excited! My issue was finally being resolved AND I would meet my baby girl, FINALLY.

Well, after  hours in Labor and Delivery, they sent me home to collect my urine for 24 hours again. I felt beyond defeated. My high blood pressure didn't matter because it went down? I don't understand these people.

Fast forward to yesterday morning! I got a phone call (and missed it) from the midwife. She left a voicemail saying she was calling to follow up from the other day and all I could think was "THIS IS IT! There HAS TO BE something wrong with my urine this time! They HAVE TO see something for her to be calling me!". I honestly thought she would say I have a UTI or something because I haven't been peeing as much as one would think a pregnant woman would at 39 weeks. I called her back immediately and she told me my urine was fine BUT she was still concerned about my blood pressure so she SCHEDULED me for an induction. Holy crap. HOLY CRAP. S*** just got real. She couldn't get me in any sooner than my due date (which is Tuesday) but now I KNOW I will have a baby by this time next week!

Trust me, I would love nothing more than to go into labor on my own but if I don't do it on my own, I am more than happy to get help doing it. Not to mention, my dad gets here tomorrow night and him and my mom have to go back to Indiana next Sunday so I really didn't want to risk them missing Miss Abriella's birth. Also, please refrain from telling me about your horrible induction story. I have heard both good and bad but I choose to learn from experience :) Just wish me luck! I will see you guys after I have her!

I'm still pregnant.

I'm on auto pilot right now. 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I'm so ready to meet our sweet rainbow baby that every day I am still pregnant is sheer torture.

I got my membranes stripped Wednesday around 10:00 am and so far it has done nothing for me. I'm sad because if I'm still pregnant Tuesday, I will want it done again but I'm seeing a midwife I don't like rather than my dr because he didn't have anything available next week (I'm guessing he's on vacation).

Also, I am being tested for pre eclampsia because of elevated blood pressure and swelling. It will really upset me if I have that on top of gestational diabetes AND PUPPP. Mostly because I don't want to be induced if I can help it. I am doing everything I can possibly do to get labor moving along naturally but so far nothing has worked.

I have a growth ultrasound on Monday morning and my 39 week appointment on Tuesday morning. I would like to not have to go to them. I just want my baby girl in my arms. I want her in my arms. I NEED her in my arms. My patience has grown very thin.

As you can see, I'm not real excited to be this pregnant, lol...

COME ON ABBY!!! We are all dying to meet you!!!

The end of the storm.

A rainbow...

A rainbow is God's way of telling us the storm is over.

A rainbow baby.

Abby is a rainbow baby. A rainbow signifies that the storm is over. After I miscarried, there was a storm. A horribly brutal one. It lasted a year. It rained EVERY DAY for a year. September 17th a rainbow formed. The storm was over. It stopped raining and the sky was clear enough so you could see where that rainbow began and where it ended. If pots of gold were real, you would have been able to see that too.

When I think about our rainbow baby, I am elated. I can hardly believe that she will be here in a month, maybe more, maybe less. It brings me to tears to think that in a short time, we will finally have what we have been longing for, for so long. I drown in my thoughts of her every day. I worry about her constantly. I feel helpless because I can't touch her, hold her, rock her...

Did you know that studies say that babies cry in the WOMB? I'm so glad we can't hear it. I would just lose it if I heard her crying but couldn't comfort her.

My patience grows thinner every day.

I just can't wait to have her.

I just can't.

Bump Day: Things are getting real

Yesterday I hit 35 weeks. THIRTY-FIVE WEEKS. I seriously cannot believe that it has been so long since Ryan and I were embracing, crying and laughing in the living room because I had randomly taken a test 1 day late and it was positive.

You all know my story but here's a brief catch up:
Ryan and I started TTC in June of 2010, found out I was pregnant in July and miscarried in September. I would have been 12 weeks pregnant but the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and 1 day. We were absolutely devastated (and I know you all know that in a way, I still am) but as soon as I had my first normal period, we were allowed to start trying again and I had that period in early October so we jumped back on the wagon. Month after month after month I tested and those tests came back negative, every d*** time. I felt so alone. I felt like I would never be pregnant again. I felt like my only baby was the one in heaven. That was until September 18th. I was one day late for my period (heck I could have possibly not been late at all). I had been "one day late" so many times and tested so many times and the test came back negative SO. MANY. TIMES. I was on the phone with my mom and decided to go to Walmart to get a test. I told her I was getting one but she didn't know I was going to take it while on the phone with her still. As soon as I got home, I took that test. As soon as two lines showed up, I started shaking. My mom had no clue what was going on and I kept trying to ask her how likely it was to get a false positive but I was so shaky that she couldn't understand me. Ryan walked in the door within SECONDS of that positive test. I walked out of the bathroom looking like I had seen a ghost and I handed him the test. The smile on that mans face was just breath taking. We instantly started crying and laughing in shock, and hugging of course. I had my mom on speaker phone and she kept saying my name because I wasn't responding to her. Finally I said "I'm pregnant!!!" and we all celebrated. It was amazing. It was magical. It was beautiful. It was perfect.

Now, here we are. There are 5 weeks left and we have everything done so now we wait. My patience has grown ever so thin. I don't want to have her EARLY. I want it to be TIME to have her. She is so amazing and wonderful and she is just the biggest blessing. Sometimes I feel like we don't deserve her but then I remember everything we have gone through just to have her. We SO deserve her. And we will be everything she deserves.

Bump Day!

Well...it all started with a boy and a girl. Shortly after our marriage I did a good ole switcheroo on my BC. I was told by my doctors "No worries...you'll be off for a few days that's not enough time to get pregnant". Apparently, my body took that as a challenge! My new doctor at the Naval Hospital told me to get a blood test just to be sure that I wasn't pregnant. I laughed the entire time, knowing there was NO way I could be pregnant! The next day, she calls and informs me...my first doctor was wrong. I was indeed pregnant! When I first found out, I called my best friend in tears. My husband and I had been married less than a month...he was surely going to divorce me! We were just about to PCS from Groton to Naval Base Kitsap COMPLETELY across the country! He called me as he was leaving base asking what the Dr had said...and I said "Well...we are pregnant" and he was HAPPY. I was shocked. I spent HOURS freaking out that he was going to hate me, divorce me, kill me (okay so I was getting a BIT dramatic at that point)...anything but be happy! The next morning he woke up and said "Good morning baby! ...and baby!" and I knew...things would be okay. Fast forward a month, we were in Washington starting to settle in...and the morning sickness hit. But I didn't have morning sickness....NOOOOO...I had full blown all day sickness. My husband found me asleep in the bathroom more times then I care to count that first trimester. But knowing that my beautiful little munchkin was growing was all I cared about...(and the weight loss was good too!). I chose to do Centering Classes at the Naval Hospital instead of traditional appointments, and that was one of the best decisions I made during my pregnancy. Every month I got to meet with other moms due right around me and be miserable together.  At our second ultrasound (the big gender one!) We were told "There's an 80% chance it is a girl". So I spent the rest of my pregnancy getting bigger and bigger...and eventually passing by my due date. My mom flew out from Connecticut for the birth, and boy was I lucky for that. I set up my induction on a Thursday for the following Monday...knowing full and well, Sunday morning my husband was set to deploy for 6 weeks on a sub. I sobbed...and that is putting it lightly. There was NO way I wanted to go through my birth without my husband. So I went to bed on Thursday without my husband since he had duty. Friday morning at 5 I woke up knowing SOMETHING wasn't right. All of a sudden I had to pee like I've never had to pee before. So I waddled out and went to the bathroom...but didn't have to pee. My husband called a few minutes later and I told him I was 99% certain I was in labor. My mom overheard me, and came in. I told her that every 8-10 minutes I had to pee. She just laughed and told me yup...I was indeed in labor. I went the whole day at home trying to get it to move along...making meals to stick in the freezer and making sure EVERYTHING was ready, because that baby was comin! At 8pm I went into the hospital. I was indeed in labor so they admitted me. I let my husband sleep, since he was coming off of a duty day, and walked the halls with my mom. At 10 I went into the birthing tub and promptly got out...because that made my pain hurt worse. Now I went in with every intention of doing it natural. That lasted until 11. I was still against an epidural but I gladly welcomed the nubane. Now, I had back labor...and this medicine did NOTHING for my pain. So I used up all the pain meds I could, and was told at 2 am that I couldn't get any more medicine and still had a LONG way to go...so I told them find the epidural dude (the meds they gave me messed with my head...as did 21 hours of labor thus far.) and come stick me. So after the epidural I was able to get a bit of sleep as did my mom and husband. Around 930 am they told me I could start pushing soon. At 10 am I started pushing. At 10:05 I started asking for a C-Section...and was denied. At 10:10 I asked for the vacuum...and was denied. "We can see her head! Just push!" All the while...I'm informing them not that I have to push, but I feel like I'm gonna poop. See...they leave that part out of labor stories and it isn't fair. I screamed the entire time that I had to poop. Finally at 10:20 I tell them I have one more push...and next thing I know there is my baby girl. She had to be taken to the table to be tested since she pooped inside me. My first question was "Is she still a girl? Otherwise someone has to go get new clothes, because all I have is pink!" I got laughed at...and yes she was still a girl. Next question "Are her toes normal?!" My husband has 2 toes that are webbed and there was NO way my kid was going to have webbed toes...more laughter but yes her toes were perfect. Shortly afterwards I got to hold my beautiful 8 pound 7 ounce 21 inch long baby girl. 

Suddenly we had visitors. We hadn't even finished the phone calls...but welcomed people in. It was 2 men from my husbands boat (mind you, they told me it was friends so I was breastfeeding...imagine the surprise when it was 2 men I had NEVER met with my boobie all out.) They brought flowers and paperwork. I noticed and asked "What are the papers for?" They told us "Oh...we got him his paternity leave so he can meet the boat in a few weeks." I almost jumped out of bed and kissed these men. It was AWESOME, and I cannot tell you how lucky we were to have such an awesome command that did that without us even asking/knowing. After that it was the guests and the ever so fun discharge from the hospital and getting settled back home. Now she is two, and we are lucky as all get out with her. 

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story, Abby!!!

It's probably been too long...

I know, I haven't posted an update in quite some time. When was the last time anyway? Like a month ago? Yeesh.

So what has happened in this past month? For one, I am 33 weeks today. 7. more. weeks. It feels like it's such a short time but forever away. Let's see, what else? Well, not much really. I have grown in the belly but lost 3 lbs due to... Gestational Diabetes.Yes, not only have I been blessed with a million stretch marks that are "hereditary" (neither my mom nor grandmother NOR sisters got them), I was also blessed with PUPPP which has driven me absolutely batty and to just top the whole poop filled cake off, 2 weeks ago found out I have gestational diabetes. 

The morning I found out, I BAWLED. You see, the day before I had called Labor and Delivery to see if they could tell me the results of another test and it turned out I should have gotten a phone call from my dr to let me know I had an infection. So, I was already pretty upset with him because (though the odds are slim) it can put you into pre term labor. So the dr at L and D put in a script for me and I got it the next day. I hadn't gotten a call about my glucose test so on a hunch I decided to call the nurse and see if she could read me my results. She told me that 3 of my numbers were high so I definitely had GD. I just started bawling. That was the last straw. How could I be going to this dr I can't trust? How could he let me down so much? It was a devastating blow. 

A week later I saw a nutritionist about the diet I should be on to control the diabetes and I have been struggling ever since then to get my morning fasting numbers leveled out. My numbers are almost always 10-15 higher than they should be in the morning but perfectly fine every other time I have to test. I was told to contact someone if my numbers were high 3 days in a row so I called the nutritionist yesterday morning after the 3rd day getting a high fasting number. He suggested that I try to go 12 hours without eating instead of 10 to see if I was one of the 20% that needed more fasting time. So, I went without a late snack and when I woke up this morning my numbers were still about the same as they have been. I called him, he referred me to the nurses station where they got me in for an appointment a couple hours later.

I basically went to this appointment so upset and feeling defeated because the last thing on earth I ever wanted to do was get put on a category c medicine every day for the rest of my pregnancy. They called me back and I made the trek to the room with the nurse trying my hardest to not think about why I was there and what they might tell me. The nurse did the routine business then told me the dr would be with me shortly and left. Shortly later the dr walked in and made me feel about a million times better.

He isn't extremely concerned with my slightly high morning fasting numbers. He wants me to go a couple of days without a late night snack and see if my blood sugar has been a little high in the morning because of the fact that my body isn't used to having that snack. He doesn't want to put me on meds just about as badly as I don't want to be on them. I have an appointment with him on Monday and he had me schedule an appointment with radiology to have a scan done to make sure she isn't too big or too small which is set for Tuesday. At my last appointment I was measuring 2 weeks ahead but only one week ahead at this appointment. I see him again on Monday and hopefully I am going to give him good news when I go in there.


I am taking a momentary deep sigh of relief.

Bump Day!

It was a cold and rainy night....not really, but it was one really rainy night in May when I fell and ended up in the hospital with a slight concusion (clumsy me). My sailor was away on duty and I was in our little apartment all alone and sick as a dog. As I was stepping out of the shower on to a bath mat that I probably imagined was there I slipped and there I went to la la land. If my sister had'nt stop by for a visit, I dont know what would have happened to me. I had been in the hospital for all of 3 hours and 20 minutes when a doctor came in and gave me his apologies. At that point, the first thing that came into my mind was " OMG, I have 7 hours to live!" Immediately I said, (without thinking) Im gonna die? He then smiled and said, No, no, no ....your baby no longer has a heartbeat. With the most confused look on my face I stared at him and uttered, what baby? He then began to explain to me that I was 12 weeks pregnant and that I had lost the baby. After he told me what might have caused the miscarriage and explained how I needed to stay in the hospital for a little due to my concusion, he left and I just sat there staring out the window of my hospital room with one thing on my mind......How did I not know I was pregnant? Two days had passed and I was finally discharged. I didnt have any migraines or broken bones but I felt horrible. How did I not know I was pregnant? That weighed heavy on my heart for a few months. I had a little bean and I didnt take care of it, how did I not know it was even there?  I cried and cried, crowning myself as the worst person in the world. But little did I know, that in a month and a few days, my life would change.

 

 My sailor had been back for a while now and before he had to leave again we decided to try a few new places in town. Our last stop for that week was a Chinese restaraunt that I thought was delicious. But on our way home, my tummy didnt feel so good, I made him pull off on the side of the road a few times so that I could puke. After I got back in the car the third time he turned the car off, took the key out and stared at me, "Is there something you need to tell me?" I quickly answered, "No, there's nothing I gotta tell you" he stared at me a little longer and then asked, "Are you pregnant?" I then said, If I was pregnant, I would know. I labled me being sick because of the Chinese food that we ate and moved the night along. A few days had passed and my sailor had already left for another mission. And as I sat in the room making plans for the next month, I realized aunt flow didnt show up that past month. I then started noticing little pregnancy symptoms I never paid attention to. That Sunday night I tossed and turned until 3am Monday morning I got dressed and drove to the nearest 24hr Walmart and bought me a pack of pregnancy tests. Three days had passed before I got the courage to take them and that Thursday afternoon I found out that I was pregnant! When I finally told my sailor, he was so happy that he almost cried. A month later I found out that it was TWINS!!! Yes, Twins!.....and then, things started to go downhill a bit. At 18 weeks we found out that one of the baby's wasnt doing so well and then a few weeks after that, she was gone. Baby A still remained but because they both shared the same sac I am still carrying both babies. You would not believe the pain and sadness that came over me. If it wasnt for my hunny bun sailor, I would have probably driven myself into a horrible depressed state. Even though we lost baby B, we are still blessed to be 26 weeks pregnant with baby A, who will be named Skylar, and we can not wait to meet her. 

If you would like to follow Floating Paper Hearts, here is her link: http://floatingpaperhearts.blogspot.com/ 

Thank you again for the awesome guest post!

The Loss Mother

I hate that title but it's the sad hard truth. We all know someone who has lost a child in some way, shape or form. Give her a hug. If she openly expresses pain, she just might need it. Even a year and a half after she lost the child she lost.

In the wake of the most beautiful thing in the world stands the due date of our first baby. I can't believe how long it's been and I can't believe we should have an almost 1 year old toddling around this house. The pain doesn't go away, it eases up a little but the pain is always there. I love and miss you so much, Baby D, and I know you are watching over your little sister from Heaven and always will.

On this day, our first baby was to be born.

Dear Abriella Jane,

I sit here staring at my belly and I am in awe of you. You are amazing in so many ways. I can't believe you can make my stomach move so much with your tiny limbs/body.

I have found myself growing more and more impatient. I long to hold you in my arms. I need to touch you. The need to touch you is so strong that sometimes I just can't even handle it. It makes me want to cry and oh, could I cry.

I sit here thinking about what to say and my head is so full of things I want to say that I just can't form one sentence that makes sense most times. I daydream about you holding my pinkie finger, playing with your tiny little feet, making raspberries on your belly. Even though we have pictures of what you look like, I find myself dreaming about what you look like. In every dream I have, you have gorgeous dark hair. That would be just fine with me.

As I sit here and write this to you, I know I will never be able to adequately spill my guts to you. You will never know how much I really love you. I just hope you feel it and that you love me the same. I hope I can be everything you deserve because you deserve nothing but the best.

I love you so much, Abby.

Meet Abriella Jane

Sorry if the title throws everyone off! I have NOT had her yet. BUT I do have some seriously amazing 4d images of her!!! She looks a lot like her daddy in them.

Without further ado, here is our beautiful baby girl:
So sleepy!!!

 One foot on one cheek, one on the other! And smiling!

 My favorite. I think this shows what she looks like best :)

 Her daddy's lips

 With her foot in her face, lol.

 Om nom nom!!!

 150 BPM

 Squishing her face against the placenta

 Foot in face again

I love these so so so much. I hope you all love them too! I can't wait to have her and see how similar the pictures are :)