Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Nails

I decided long ago that I wasn't going to blog about my nails anymore on this blog but I haven't even been blogging about my nails on my nail blog. Today's post is especially relevant to this blog anyway. Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day and I did a mani in rememberance of all the sweet babies born too soon, not born at all and those that went to be in heaven with Jesus before we even got the chance to get to know them well enough.

My personal story is this:

Ryan and I tried for only a month to get pregnant and I took a test after being one day late. That test came back positive and we were elated. At 11 weeks pregnant (just 5 days before I was supposed to go have an ultrasound) I started spotting. I tried really hard to not worry about it because I wasn't cramping or anything else so, I asked my best friend to take me to the er (Ryan was on duty) where I would find out our baby died at 7 weeks and 1 day. I was absolutely devastated. For the next 2 days, I cried my heart out. The first day, I couldn't even breathe. I didn't want to live. I walked around in a haze. I took percocet once every 4 hours even though I wasn't in physical pain.

For the next year, I cried almost every time I started my period. When I thought I was a little late for my period, I took a test just to ease my mind so I would start. The last time I did that, I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. We tried for almost a year and as absolutely shocked and overcome with joy I am, I can't help but still mourn the loss of our first baby. I record videos for our baby and I always talk about his or her older brother/sister. I think it's important for our baby to know that it has an older sibling in heaven, even if he/she never got to meet him/her.

I am thinking of all the sweet babies in heaven today. If you lost a baby, you are being remembered, I promise. I will be lighting a few candles tonight as well for those who I know have lost a baby and one for those that I don't know.

RIP to our sweet angel baby 7.18.2011-9.4.2011