Deployment Day 1: I HATE this!

Watching Ryan leave was THE. HARDEST. THING. I have ever had to do. We got kicked off the ship at 9 am. He left at 10 am and 1 hour and 20 minutes later I am still crying. He called me once but we only got to talk for 10-15 minutes because he had to use the bathroom in the middle of our conversation.

Here's pretty much how the morning went:

6:15 am: We woke up and I instantly felt like I had been hit by a bus. We got ready and was out the door around 6:30. Ran by McDonalds to pick up a couple Frappes and then picked up someone that needed a ride to the ship. Got to the ship around 7:15.

7:30 am: Liberty expired and it was time for us to spend our last hour and a half together for 6-8 months. It was pretty bittersweet. Somber if you will. It was nice to have that last bit of time with him but at the same time I just wanted it to be over so I could go home and cry. Like, REALLY cry. Cry like I had been wanting to the whole time I was on the ship with him and the whole time I was watching the ship leave. We got a few pictures and spent most of our time together smoking. At 8:52 we started our goodbye. I was off the ship a few minutes later but not before crying on Ryans shoulder and bearly being able to let him go. He walked me off the ship, gave me one last long hug and kiss and went back on the ship where I could no longer go. Noone could. I was one of the last people off the ship if not the last. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to let him go. It took everything in me.

9:00 am: I stood on that pier for what seemed like forever before the ship started moving away from it. It was pretty devastating. Random people kept talking to me and I think that is the only thing that kept me from bawling on the pier. So, I talked to randoms, watched the news people recording the "event" and stared at Ryan while taking pictures of him. We also texted and once I post some of those pictures you will see him texting me lol.

Somewhere around 10:00 am: The ship started moving and I started to lose it but managed to keep it together. I walked all the way to the end of the pier so I could watch until I couldn't make Ryan out anymore. It's like watching your heart break in slow motion. I stayed there until a little after 11:00 am. Once I couldn't see Ryan anymore, I couldn't bear to watch.

As soon as I got in the car I cried really hard. I cried all the way home. Though the car ride is only 10 minutes. I didn't even care what the people in the cars around me thought. Once I pulled into a parking spot at home the tears dried up. I made my "I got my big girl panties on" walk to our apartment but once I got inside woah was it SO on! I cried like it was my job and I was the CEO of crying. I cried until I got a massive headache (which I still have, by the way). About a half hour after I got home I got the call from Ryan. We talked for a while but it wasn't enough. He let me go to use the bathroom and ended the conversation with "I will try to call you back but if I dont get the chance I want you to know I love you and I will talk to you soon". I still hoped I'd get that call. Around 12:05 I got a text from him that said, "I'm losing signal :( I love you!" and I just threw my phone across the room after saying "I love you too!!!", I was soo upset but I didn't want to miss out on replying to him.

As I was writing that last sentence, Ryan got a little signal and called me! Thank God :) That however, ruined my whole train of thought.

Basically, I'm a wreck. Period. I am managing but things haven't fully sank in yet. It kind of just feels like he is at work. Come 4:30 or so and he doesn't call and isn't home it will defintely sink in.

Oh the bright side, my parents figured out a way to get me to Indiana for a couple weeks and I am really excited. It'll be nice to be there and away from this for a little bit. On top of that Betty from Life as a Sailors Girl is throwing a "Cheer Brittany Up" party Thursday night. She rocks. All of my friends here do. Thank God for them.