7 days have passed since I first wrote about the miscarriage but the feeling of devastation still lingers. It is all still very real. I have so much sadness, hatred, anger and jealousy built up. Every time one of my friends talks about their baby, posts a picture of their baby or talks about their pregnancy or posts pictures of their most recent ultrasound, I want to delete them. I feel like it is rubbed in my face every day, "Ha, ha! You aren't pregnant anymore and I am".... I know this isn't true, it's just what it feels like. It just doesn't feel like it's ever going to get better. It doesn't feel like the pain and anger will ever go away.
I can't even come close to explaining the pain. Words could never describe it. I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to move on. Mostly, I don't know how I could possibly be comfortable in another pregnancy. I feel like I am going to worry constantly that this is going to happen again. This hurts so much. I can't imagine going through it again.