9.12.2011

Never ending

7 days have passed since I first wrote about the miscarriage but the feeling of devastation still lingers. It is all still very real. I have so much sadness, hatred, anger and jealousy built up. Every time one of my friends talks about their baby, posts a picture of their baby or talks about their pregnancy or posts pictures of their most recent ultrasound, I want to delete them. I feel like it is rubbed in my face every day, "Ha, ha! You aren't pregnant anymore and I am".... I know this isn't true, it's just what it feels like. It just doesn't feel like it's ever going to get better. It doesn't feel like the pain and anger will ever go away.

I can't even come close to explaining the pain. Words could never describe it. I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to move on. Mostly, I don't know how I could possibly be comfortable in another pregnancy. I feel like I am going to worry constantly that this is going to happen again. This hurts so much. I can't imagine going through it again.

3 comments:

Dawn Chandler said...

The first few weeks are the worst. You have probably been told that it will get easier. I never listened when I was told that, but it did hold true. Just concentrate on functioning in the moment, breathe in and out and one day you will wake up and not cry all day long. Take it one day, one minute at a time. (Oh and hide all those pregnant friends on Facebook. I still do.)

chambanachik said...

I'm so sorry. :(

Samantha said...

One of the most important things about being faithful is knowing that God knows your pain. And though He doesn't desire you to hurt, He hopes that you will be steadfast in your love for Him.

Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and
character produces hope (Romans 5:3-4).

Stay strong, sister. He knows the plans He has for you and your family! Don't forget about the wonderful life you were promised.