With deployment just around the corner things are setting in. Ryan and I are treating eachother mildly differently. In some ways good, in some ways bad. I know it's just our subconsciences prepping themselves for the pain that is to come but it still hurts. Thinking about watching my heart break in slow motion as the ship pulls out of port here just... There are no words to describe the feeling. The big, bold, red letters on the schedule. DEPLOYMENT. It makes me sick to my stomache. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to crawl in a hole somewhere and just pretend it isn't real. I know what I am signing up for I just dont like missing him. But then again, none of us like that do we? None of us like being left alone for countless nights. None of us like waiting by the phone or checking our email once every 5 minutes. I'm not ready but then again I'm sure none of us ever are.
Our wedding is going to be very bittersweet. It'll be beautiful. I will be Mrs. Ryan Dawson and we will come back and live our fairy tale for a couple weeks and then the nightmare will sink in and he will be gone. I will be left there on the pier crying with every bit of my heart. Feeling some of the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Watching that ship take my husband away.
I know I probably sound like an idiot. I probably sound like I cant handle it but trust me when I say, I can. It hurts, a LOT, but it's worth it all to have him come back home to me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
1. you dont sound like an idiot! I related to every sentence you wrote! =((
2. I dont doubt for a second that you can do it! Just reading what you write about him, because iv never seen you- either of you lol,I can see that he is worth the wait =))
3. Just a side note--You wont be standing there crying with "every bit of your heart" because he will keep a part of it with him =))
I know it STINKS! But keep your head up lady =))
Thanks love :)
I am right there with you. My husband is deployed currently and it sucks beyond believe. You don't sound like an idiot at all. There are a bunch of people who feel the exact same way! We HATE deployments, but we LOVE seeing our man in uniform walking towards us after those long long months apart are finally over.
Hang in there and know that there are a lot of people who are there to support you and have your back!
Post a Comment