I made my husband feel bad yesterday. I was joking at the time but in reality, it's true. He said that he was going to clean out the car while I watch American Idol Wednesday night. He had been talking about wanting a car wash previously so I thought he was going to go wash the car and clean it out at the car wash. I jokingly said, "Go ahead! Leave me like you always do!" with sad puppy dog eyes. I really wasn't serious at the time but I feel like it hit home for him because later that night he looked at me and said, "I'm sorry I have to leave so much" and I kind of felt speechless. What do you say to that?
What I really feel like saying right now is, I hate when he has to leave, even for a day BUT I also know it's his job and I knew how it would be before we became an item. I hate being alone even for just ONE day. I hated being alone for what seemed like endless months while he was deployed and I can't even begin to imagine what underways are going to be like once those start again. I can only imagine that I am going to hate them.
What he may not realize, though, is that he doesn't need to apologize to me for this. It has been this way ever since the very day I met him. I know it's his job and I know he doesn't have a choice. The only reason an apology would be needed is if he DID have a choice and chose to go anyway.
For him to apologize to me for having to be gone so often without having a choice in the matter speaks volumes to me. It tells me he hates it too. It tells me he doesn't want to be away from me, if only for a day, just as I don't want to be away from him. This... is one of the many reasons I love that man. He never ceases to amaze me <3