Focus on the future

I try to focus on the future so hard because, well, the future is absolutely beautiful and stunning in every way. In the future we get to meet our beautiful baby girl and raise her. We get to be parents to this tiny person. We get to watch her get older and we get to be sad for every year older she gets because we never want our baby to stop being our baby.

Yet, I still think about the past. I still think about Baby Dawson number one. I still get incredibly sad when I hear Gravity by Sarah Bariellis. I still have days when I just want to get the tears and pain out of my system until next time. I still miss that baby. I know, that baby, and losing that baby was all in preparation for this one. We will cherish her more because we wanted and longed for her for so long after losing her older sibling. We have been through much pain on our journey to become Abriellas parents.

I really think that's why I get such bad anxiety when I don't feel her for a while or I start to feel like I might be coming down with the flu. We don't just want her and long for her, we love her and we need her, also.

I don't think I will ever forget about Baby 1. He/she is FOREVER etched in my mind and memory and heart. That loss will always have an effect on me whether it be good or bad, I will always feel something from that loss. I just hope the waiting and the pain causes us to be fantastic parents for Abby because she so deserves it.

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