First thing is first. Gotta link my song up with Goodnight Moon! I really love this song. There is no rhyme or reason as to why I chose it other then the fact that it is one of the most touching and beautiful songs I have ever laid my ears on.
In other news, Sailor man is about to go underway again. He just got back from this last underway on Monday, then had duty so he couldn't even come home until Tuesday. Even when he finally was able to come home Tuesday, he didn't get off until about 5 and didn't get home until about 6. Same thing yesterday. Today, they are running drills so he won't be home until about 8 pm. I'm sure he wont be home any earlier then 6 tomorrow too. It's really sickening. All of these underways have been hogging all of our weekends together too, not to mention his only 2 days off. For the past 2 months at least they have been either leaving for the underway on a Friday or a Saturday. I am so over it. I can't say this enough, I SO can't wait for him to get off this ship!
Some days I just want to scream into a pillow but I know that wont make anything better, it will just make my throat sore. Today has been one of those days. I mean, I don't expect at all for a miracle to happen and me get pregnant after trying for only one month HOWEVER, after suffering a miscarriage, getting pregnant is what I want more then anything in the whole world.
I am still grieving in a way. I still want my baby back. Right now I should have a baby bump that is ever growing. I should have heard my babys heartbeat and saw it's tiny little body at least a couple times by now. I miss everything about being pregnant. I mostly miss my baby. I have gotten a LOT better. I don't think about it every day, just every now and then. I shed a tear today when (TMI) I started my period but that is the first time I felt sad for my baby angel since I started my last period. It was something I knew was going to happen but I had a little bit of hope that by some miracle, it wouldn't start and I would be pregnant.
Alas, Aunt Flo is here and a baby is not and I just have to put on my big girl (period) panties and deal with it. It's not like I haven't dealt with it for this long already. Heck, we got to start trying again 2 months earlier then I thought we could anyway so I don't know what I am even whining about. I think it's the pms.