The day Ryan deployed was the worst day of my life, literally. Yeah, I stayed pretty strong for him on the ship and on the pier but I was at the lowest moment in my life when I got home. Being here all alone was a constant reminder of Ryan being gone and I hated it SO MUCH. I still dislike it a whole lot but I have grown since day one. It's pretty amazing to look back at that day and see how much differently I handle my emotions today.
Back then (it feels like it was forever ago), I didn't think I could make it. I cried and cried for hours for a good week after Ryan left. It may have been longer had I not took a 3 week trip to be with my family in Indiana. Anyway, I was so weak that day I never thought I would be where I am today. I don't even really know how to explain it. Only those of us that have been there, done that have any clue what I am talking about. I'm talking about going from bawling until snot is running down your face to bearly shedding a tear the next day. How does that happen?! It's insane! Anyone who says something can't just happen overnight is WAY wrong. I am living proof. I got my emotions in check overnight. It happens.
It's not like Ryan comes home tomorrow or anything but deployment is coming to a close. Along with insane amounts of excitement and anticipation, I am beaming with pride at his accomplishments and at mine. My only real accomplishment is making it faithfully through this deployment BUT anyone that has been through it, especially their first one, knows how I feel. Ryan accomplished a lot during this deployment. He accomplished things he had been trying to accomplish before and I know for a fact that he feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders. During this deployment Ryan made 2nd class, he got his ESWS and he reenlisted for 4 more years. 3 MAJOR accomplishments. He's amazing, I swear it.
So, in the next few weeks I plan to do everything I can to make this house look like a home. I vow for everything to be more perfect then it was before he left. I vow to be the woman he left, if not a better version of me. I vow to be the most clingy woman alive for a while (lol). I vow to kiss him, hug him and squeeze him tightly every night as if he were deploying again the next day. Most of all, I vow to always be the woman he married. He married me for a reason didn't he? ;)