1.22.2011

I think I deserve to be weak once in a while...

After all, even strong people cry right? Not saying I have any problem crying, but you have to be a strong person to make it in this lifestyle.

Strong as I may be, I reach breaking points. I will go months without crying and then BAM! Life comes at me like a wave crashing against the shore. Tonight... I feel like that girl who was a month into deployment bearly able to sleep and still having those cry-until-I-fall-asleep nights.I can probably say what triggered these emotions. I got used to his new schedule. His emails were coming between 12 and 2:30. I checked my email at 2:30 and there wasn't one yet. No big deal. I got back to work and check again at 3:00. Still nothing. 3:30, nothing. 4:00?! NOTHING. If there is anything that drives me crazier the the people on Shutter Island it's not getting an email at the time it's usually there.

Well, come 5:45 I got a text. Whew! He's alive! Hahaha. So, I got over it and went about my night textmailing with the hubby. I don't know what happened but once he said I love you goodnight, a bomb went off in my head. I started listening to the sad music that I have avoided this whole deployment and I felt my heart break all over again. Most of all, I cried. For the first time in a month. I just wanna be a baby tonight.

But really, I just want to be in his arms again. I know homecoming is just around the corner but anticipation is killing me. I have been staying as busy as possible but I had a bunch of "me" time tonight and it allowed me to think about the things I had shoved into the back of my mind.

With that, I feel as though I deserved to get it out like I did tonight. I deserved to be a baby for a minute. I'm okay now so that's all that matters.

1 comment:

J said...

aww hon, I'm so sorry that last night was one of those nights! I am glad that you're ok now. You're completely right, even strong people are allowed to cry. *hugs*