Surfice Warfare Specialist

Title = What Ryan now is! He finally got something he has been working SO hard for and I am insanely proud of him for it! He has accomplished so much this deployment that I almost can't keep up! He called me today too :) He is truly amazing. Nothing less.

This is my last week at Wilsons Leather and I gotta say, it's gonna be bittersweet to leave there. I would stay here and work if Ryan was coming home here and not in VA lol. A few of my coworkers were saying how they would miss me when I left and I almost cried. This is the story of a military wife though isn't it? Seems we have to say goodbye more often then anyone else. Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just saying.

So, Christmas is only 3 days away and even though I have been a Scrooge because Ryan isn't here for it, I am getting pretty excited. The further along we get in December, the further along we get in deployment. Me likey.

Where are my ruby red slippers?

Home is in your arms. "There's no place like home. there's no place like home, there's no place like home"... DANG! It failed to work. Lucky Dorothy... Anyway, I suppose I am doing a bit better. Still been quite the Scrooge sayin bah humbug all through the holiday season. It has yet to stop me from shopping til I drop for presents and getting excited that Christmas is right around the corner. Yet, I feel this emptiness that I just can't shake.

My friends have been having homecomings a lot lately. As I look at their statuses, I feel a sense of loss. We used to be in the same boat and now they all have their men back. It makes me feel a little less connected to them though our friendship hasn't changed one bit, just a new person has been added into the equation. Have any of you had this happen? Do you know what I mean? I just want to know if I am an oddball or if others have felt this way. On top of that, I am experiencing a very unchristian like feeling: JEALOUSY. A sin I can't seem to shake either.

I keep thinking about how many of my close friends are going to say "see you later" to their Sailors before Ryan comes home and I almost feel bad for the fact that I will have Ryans homecoming the very next month. Does it make ANY sense that I feel BAD that I am going to be SO happy when most of my close friends are missing their men? I don't know. I guess it's just the fact that I know how it feels to be missing my husband terribly while watching others welcome theirs home.

I feel like a jerk for being sad when my friends are rejoicing after suffering through a deployment but I just can't help but feel this way. On the plus side, December is coming to an end. Though I won't be able to celebrate the new year with Ryan, it'll be such a short time until he returns and I will begin to totally count the days down. I can't wait. I have never wanted something so badly in my whole life.

All I want for Christmas is you

They play this song over and over again at the place I work and it depresses me more and more each time I have to hear it. It's called "All I Want For Christmas" by Joss Stone. The chorus goes "all I want for Christmas is you. Nothing old, nothing new, borrowed or blue. I'm afraid nothing else will ever do. All I want for Christmas is you" and it is pathetically depressing. Of all places I have to get depressed, it's at work, where if I want to cry I can't. Well I could but I wouldn't.

I have been doing pretty good with deployment but the truth is, the holidays have me mega depressed. On top of that, the day after Christmas is our 1 year anniversary and he will miss that too. It's just... depressing. The whole thing. Don't get me wrong, we have come SO far in deployment that really, it's ALMOST over. We are at the point, however, where we are SO close to being done but at the same time it is still too far away to start a countdown. Somehow I have managed to start anticipating homecoming already. I have a feeling it is going to drive me absolutely insane by the time he actually gets home.

LOL

This really cracks me up! Don't know why but it totally does haha. Enjoy!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

I wish it could snow without being so darn cold, though I do love the snow so I believe the cold makes the site worth while. Being in Indiana has made this past almost month fly by. It's crazy.

I had myself a bit of a breakdown the other night. It was pretty rough. One of those days that just seem to happen during deployment I suppose. I cried really hard like I did when Ryan first left. It was quite terrible but I am much better now.

We have made it so far already in this deployment and soon enough I will be anticipating Ryans safe return home. Today he got his 2nd class crows. I couldn't even begin to explain how proud I am of that man. I just hate that I had to miss it. He is reenlisting for 4 years next month and I will be missing that too. Boo deployment, boo.