10.21.2010

Dear Deployment,

Stop the emotional rollercoaster! I want off!!!

Yikes have I been one crazy lady lately! Today I went from laughing, to sad that my husband is gone, to depressed about my weight, to just plain tired. I'm starting to wonder if I wont be clinically depressed by the time the hubby returns home. Terrible to think about but not uncommon I'm sure.

Okay, on to further explain the topics of bi-polarness...

Hubby: Well, I am sad about him being gone for obvious reasons. Duh. He's GONE so yeah... That doesn't fully describe why hubby being gone is bothering me so much today. Yesterday hubby started talking to me about reenlisting for 5 or 6 more years. UGH UGH UGH. I KNOW that him reenlisting is a GREAT idea, I KNOW but it doesn't keep that voice in the back of my head from screaming and crying "NO NO NO PLEASE DON'T DO IT! I MISS YOU SOO MUCH! I HATE WHEN YOU'RE GONE! I JUST WANT TO BE CIVILIANS!" At the same time I had already thought about it even before he mentioned it to me. I want a good life for our child (when we have one) and the Navy could give him/her that. On the negative side, it would be a lot of time without daddy. I have thought about if I can even live a normal life again after this. I have thought about the fact that if he reenlists for 5 or 6 more years that it doesn't make ANY sense for him to NOT retire from the Navy. Psh, by that time we will have lived our entire relationship with him in the Navy so why the heck not just do it til we are 40 and still get the benefits? The negative? Him being gone. Gone gone gone. Hurry up and wait. Dear Deployment, I HATE YOU. Blah...

Okay on to the other depressing topic at hand, my. WEIGHT. Something has got to give. I don't even know where to start here. From when I was 14 til 22 I didn't weigh over 125. 125 is a number I don't even remember seeing on the scale by now. It's sickening. I remember getting to 140 and thinking I was the biggest blob on the planet. Now, 20 lbs later, I am stuck. Just plain stuck. Being depressed about it doesn't help my case bcause as all of us women know, stress makes us fatter. We suck. We know that (plus having periods and going through labor) is what we got in return for Eve taking a bite of that apple. I got a finger for ya Eve. Anyway, I am going to start a VERY SERIOUS diet Saturday and going to kill myself working out until I get to where I want to be. I want to be back at 140 or 145. I looked AMAZING at 140. I am ready to be back there.

AHH! I realize I don't write often anymore and now that I did write, it was nothing but a bunch of whining. Yeah, sorry about that, but, I felt the urge. Anyway, other then all that, things have been pretty decent. I can't complain any more then I just did but at least both things I complained about will be all better in the next few months :) I think I am going to start a new page on the blog for just my weight loss. If I have people checking on me to make sure I am keeping it up, it'll motivate me more to keep it up.

Later gators! 

3 comments:

KrippledWarrior said...

GREAT IDEA TO LOOSE WEIGHT. BUT CHANGING DIET IS ONLY PART. LIFE STYLE CHANGE IS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL METHOD. IT TAKES THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME/EFFORT TO START A GOOD HABIT AS IT DOES TO BREAK A BAD ONE. 2 WEEKS.
YOU GO GIRL.

Carmen said...

I know how you feel honey. Deployments are horrible on emotions and I went through the same thing. I usually just kept busy with friends and going out all the time. You can do it honey!

And in terms of re-enlistment, I know it sucks to be away from the hubby but sometimes it's better for the family. It really depends on the family! You do what's best for you!

Bella N Chief said...

BIG HUGS!!!!!!!