How crazy things can change in the blink of an eye

I guess it wouldn't really be so much in the blink of an eye, it has been over a month since my last post. What has changed since then? What HASN'T would be the better question. Since my last post, Ryan and I exchaged the I love you's, he told me he had been thinking about marrying me and even how he would propose to me (<3), our relationship has become even stronger and more amazing every single day. I don't worry about him anymore. Well, besides for the normal worries being that he is out to sea. Speaking of him being out to sea, he has been gone for a little over a month. Life as I know flipped upside down. For the first 2 weeks, I cried. I cried every single day without skipping a beat. It became normal to cry. It didn't feel right to me the first day I didn't cry. I felt bad. I felt like something wasn't right and that it wasn't right that I was getting used to Ryan being gone. I don't WANT TO get used to him being gone because him being gone, means just that, that he's gone and not here with me. I got tired. Tired of missing him soo much. Tired of crying every day. Tired of letting it get to me so much. Tired of him being gone. Tired of not hearing his voice anymore. Tired of sleeping all alone and being alone in our home. I got tired of a lot of stuff before I got used to it. Now, I am kind of used to it, but in a little less then a month, Ryan will be back and as happy as I will be, I will have to get used to how things are when he is here again. Not that I'm complaining. It's just that it takes a long time to get used to him being gone and it takes hard work, to just turn around and have to get used to how things used to be again. I miss him. I miss him like crazy. Today marked our 4 month anniversary. I would like to share our story:



March 14th: Ryan and I meet. He hardly says one word to me but I am a little interested. He's cute and seems really nice but kind of douchy for not talking to me lol.

May 16th: I move here to Virginia with my boyfriend. Ryan and I then start talking a lot. We become very close. He is our roommate and Chris is gone a lot and since Ryan is in school, he isn't having to go underway.
November 8th: I found out Chris cheated on me. I am crying, SOBBING and Ryan is right there, comforting me and letting me cry on his shoulder. I dont even know what Chris is doing at this point. He isnt home and claims he is going to stay on the ship to clear his head. We have been having a lot of problems because he doesnt feel the same way about me as I do about him. Ryan stops being friends with Chris and hardly comes out of his room when Chris is there because of the way Chris is treating me.
March 21st: Chris and Ryan deployed in January. Today Chris told me he cheated on me again. The first time he had only took a girl out on a date. This time, he slept with a girl overseas. I broke up with Chris.
March 28th: I moved back to Indiana today. I HATE this. I miss my friends from Virginia. I hate being stuck back in this tiny city. Ryan emailed me today to make sure everything went okay with the move. He emails me a lot. I miss him :(

In between then and now Ryan has become my best friend. He has always been there for me. I couldn't imagine a life without him.


December 22nd: Ryan is here!!! I can't wait to move back to Virginia with my best friend!
December 23rd: Feelings have flooded me. Feelings I thought I felt before but wasn't sure. Now I'm sure. Ryan and I kissed tonight. It was the first time I had seen him in almost a year. Something is happening :)
December 26th: Ryan and I are on our way to Virginia finally!!! The trip has gone awesome and I couldn't think of a better person to take this 14 hour long trip with :)... We arent even out of Indiana yet and Ryan pulls into a rest stop, pulls all the way around like he was going to leave and parks. He looks at me, says "I cant take this anymore" and gives me the most passionate kiss I have ever gotten. Then he saya, "I want more then this. Will you go steady with me?" I feel like I am in a dream. It is the sweetest and cutest thing I have ever had happen to me.You had to be there.

How it all went down doesn't look as good on paper as it felt. Of course my heart said yes, but my mond was soo scared. He's my best friend, there is no easy or good way out of this. I could either spend the rest of my life with him or we could end up going seperate ways and never talk again. Even though I was scared because I could end up losing the most important person to me, I said yes with the cheesiest smile ever on my face and I haven't regretted it for one second. We have been happily together ever since that day. Haven't even fought one time.

I swear, if you believe in soulmates, and I do, he is mine. I will not let this go <3