I gotta get it together

Seriously, I am having such a huge problem as of late and it breaks my heart. I am so scared something is going to mess this up that, that something has become me. I am finding myself wondering if he's being honest with me about things that I know he has no reason to lie about. I worry constantly that he doesnt care about me knowing damn well that if he didnt care about me, he wouldnt do the things he does for me. I'm finding myself to be a bit jealous when he talks to other girls, too. Maybe it's just pms, but I have been so depressed the past couple of days. I just dont know what to do. What can I do to make this stop? It's not fair to me and it's definately not fair to him for me to feel this way. Maybe, but I dont know this for sure, if he told me he loves me things might be a little different but I cant help but wonder if this love is completely one sided and that really breaks my heart. This is the longest I have been with someone without the L word coming out of their mouth. Kind of makes me wonder if something is wrong when really, he just doesnt want to use the word too loosely and I dont blame him for that. I never say it first and I am finding it REALLY hard to not say it lately. I dont know, I just gotta get it together otherwise I will be our demise.