Recent happenings

For starters, I now have a TTC blog so if you're curious, here it is: http://ttcangelmommysjourney.blogspot.com/

On to the next thing: The house we are looking to buy came in at $5,000 less than they were asking for it. It took us a few days to finally hear back from them about whether they were willing to sell at that price or not but the day before yesterday we got the addenda saying they agreed to it! We drove past the house a few days ago and saw this: (the house in the background isn't ours)

We were so excited to see the sold sign hanging! I just HAD TO take a picture.

My mom, dad, sister and niece were here from Friday night until Monday morning. We all had a great time. Spent a few hours on the beach and did a bunch of stuff Saturday including swimming in our pool for a few hours and going to my friends wedding. All in all, it was a great, busy weekend and I was sad to see them go. I always enjoy spending lost time with my loved ones.

Now it's just Ryan, Mocha and I. The house is so quiet and feels so empty. It's nice to have our alone time again but I wish the visits with family weren't so few and far between.

The fun of packing begins this weekend in the sweltering hot 95 degree weather. I want to tackle the garage (it's full of boxes that we never unpacked when we moved in here) but I hope we don't die from heat strokes in there. We definitely plan to do a lot of swimming over the weekend too.

That's all I have for now! I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a wonderful day!

I know I have said this before, but...

I'm serious this time. 9 freaking months into TTC and I have started my period once again. This month was looking different. 7 or 8 days after ovulation I started cramping and they lasted a day and a half. I never have PMS, EVER, so I was like hmmmmmmm, implantation cramps?? Aunt Flow didn't come yesterday when she was expected so I really did start to get excited but I was still trying to keep the excitement at bay because of how often we have been let down in this process. I even took 3 pregnancy tests like a psycho 3 days in a row, all negative, of course.

I'm not freaking trying anymore. I refuse to pay attention to any more details of the TTC process. My poor mind can't take it anymore and neither can my poor heart. I just... literally CAN'T. I am mentally and physically exhausted from all the pain. I just can't anymore.

Am I REALLY still a Navy wife?

Some days I just have to ask myself that question. Not because Ryan is no longer in the Navy (he IS) but because shore duty has put me in a place most of my friends are not. The vast majority of my "Navy wife friends" husbands' are on ships. They are still being deployed and going on underways. They still have the 24 hour/overnight duty. Listen carefully, I'm NOT complaining. Ryan basically has a 9-5 (orrrrrr 7-3) job now. On his duty days, he stands his watch then he gets to come home. He hasn't been gone overnight in MONTHS. I don't even know what I would do with myself if he were to be gone overnight. I would probably be a mess. Don't judge me, though! You wouldn't like it either, lol. I know, I know, how dare *I* miss my husband for one measley night when yours is gone for 6 more months. I feel for you. I really do. I have been there and I didn't handle deployment as well as some women do. I cried in a pillow ALL THE TIME and there wasn't one day that passed that I didn't miss Ryan HORRIBLY. I don't EVER want deployment to rare it's ugly stinking head at me EVER again.

What I'm getting at is, I feel like I can't relate anymore. I used to be sad and missing my husband because he was underway when some of my other friends were as well. Now, I just can't really relate to anyone. I feel like a clown fish in an ocean full of dolphins.

In other news, Ryan went to the cardiologist today and they prescribed him meds should he ever go into atrial fibberlation again. They also want to do a sleep study on him to see if he has sleep apnea.

Everything is going great with the house. Our offer was accepted and now we are just waiting on the appraisal. Please Lord let this work because we are SERIOUSLY crunched for time.

That is all.

House hunting

Yes, that's right. We are on the prowl. After talking about it Ryan and I decided to buy a house. Yes, we are only going to be in the area FOR SURE for 3 more years but we are sick to death of renting and them raising the rent every year and everything else that comes with renting a home. We were pre approved for a home loan yesterday 10 minutes before we were set to meet with our realtor to look at a few houses.

I'm not going to lie, I felt VERY violated when our mortgage broker called and asked us about credit cards and things that previously went into collections. I felt sick to my stomach after we got off the phone with her. I didn't think we would get approved for the loan after speaking with her because I don't have good credit at all. It's not HORRIBLE but it isn't good. Ryan has good/great credit so I wasn't worried on his end. She was asking me about things that were paid late when I was younger and why they had been sent to collections and all I could think was, "What business is that of YOURS, broad". Sigh, I just don't like people being in my business but I know it's all a part of this.

So, now begins the search for what is closest to our dream home in our price range :)

Mothers Day

Today should be a day of happiness, not tears, yet as soon as I woke up this morning, I felt like a ton of bricks was on my heart. As you all know, I was supposed to officially be a mommy at the end of March but I miscarried at the beginning of September. It has left a terrible empty feeling in my soul. I should have been a mommy to a sweet, precious baby on earth, not an angel in heaven who I couldn't see, touch, feed, laugh with, cry with, and raise. My mind is weary today. This should have been my first Mother's Day as a mommy.

When you are wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day, please don't forget about the "statistics". 1 in 4 pregnancys end in miscarriage. Today is a hard day for us angel mommys.

I do feel blessed that our baby is spending mothers day in heaven with my Grandma, though. I just know they are having a great time with the rest of the family up there, but it doesn't make lil ole me down here want my baby to be here, too.

I hope you ALL have a happy mother's day, whether your baby has 4 paws, 2 legs or angel wings <3

Update and UPGRADE!

First thing's first, they came and got Bo yesterday and took him to a new home because we had a few issues with him. I felt really sad that he had to go and the old lady that took him was kind of mean in her own way by just not really saying anything to us when she came to get him. I felt like she was silently judging us as being bad people because we couldn't adopt him. We told her we would keep him until they were able to find him a new home and we even told her we had friends that were interested in taking him but she emailed me Thursday night and told me she would be coming to get him Friday. I felt like someone took a hammer to my heart. He really was a sweet dog, he just had issues that weren't going to change, like growling at Mocha most of the time she tried to play with him. One of the big reasons we wanted another dog was so she would have a play mate.

Things this way are going pretty good although I am depressed BIG TIME about not being able to get pregnant again. I haven't gotten through the miscarriage depression yet. I went as far as to tell Ryan that I think I need to see a therapist. I really think I do.

Anyone who has been on the blog long enough knows this is what my ring looks like:

I love it. It is special to me and will always be held close to my heart but after much thinking, Ryan decided it was time for an upgrade!!!

It's so stunning that I find myself having Attention Deficit OHHHH SHINY! Driving home was quite the task.
And, yes, he got a new one too! His old one was just a wider version of my band but now it's this!

It's Tungsten Carbide and we both love it!

We are both sooooooooo happy with our new rings! It made my Military Spouse Appreciation Day pretty darn epic.